(Guest blogger: Rent Party)
I disapprove of my relationship with the man I am seeing, but I have not stopped it. I am attempting to manage it and I think rationally I should stop it, but I have not.
I disapprove because the relationship is uneven, ambivalent and unequal, and yet each person believes the other holds the power.
The correct relationship between those involved, oddly enough, would be as siblings.
He is more attracted to me than I to him, but I am more interested in him than he in me.
I am more interested in having friends and lovers than he, but he is more interested in my presence than I in his.
He is more contented than I, but I am more vibrant than he.
He is very kind and well intentioned, or at least apparently/officially so, and he is very good at fixing houses, but he is insufficient.
His ability at fixing houses is a principal reason I have not yet ended things, and I am not proud of this. My looks are the principal reason he continues, and he says so; I am also not proud of this.
The theoretical, or “French” answer would be to acquire a second person, but I was never interested in having two. And I am interested enough in him that I would be jealous if he acquired a second person.
He has interesting and valuable things to say. As a sibling he would be an interesting addition to life. But I discern that ultimately the power dynamics of this relationship are detrimental to life and work. These are the central issues and they should be remembered.
I will be interested to see how this non-drama unfolds.