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The Privileged Male-Mother

January 21, 2008
I’ve seen men try to take over mothering with a newborn/toddler/child when there is a female-mother available and willing and wanting to mother said newborn. However, it is not a full scale take over, it is just another opportunity to criticise the female-mother. This is accomplished by him intervening and showing her how he would do it, because everyone knows his way has to be the most efficient and logical method since men are the quintessential models of efficiency and logic. “You are not doing that right! Get out of the way and let me do it.” Who does not know that efficiency and logic is what all newborns and children need? He asserts that he knows what type of milk is best, what diapers are best, what swaddle methods are best, what the exact dosage of medicine is needed and what the doctor implied even though she/he did not say. He soaks in all the compliments from on-lookers, “Look at that fine male-mother, oh, how I wish my Frank could/would mother like that.” He becomes the omniscient mother. Until of course, a mother is needed for mothering. Then he is nowhere to be found.
8 Comments
  1. Chris permalink
    January 21, 2008 9:36 pm

    You’ll never hear me telling someone how to handle a newborn or toddler. Alexis used to tell people that I was afraid to touch them (babies) until they can’t break, then it’s all bets are off:)

  2. brotherkomrade permalink
    January 22, 2008 12:56 am

    You are so right.
    When I get praise and applause for being a great male-mother, I quickly admonish my praisers and beat myself with the strap I carry in my back pocket. Then I say, “Do not praise me, for as long as I have this thing below my waist, I will always be in danger of being my partner’s torturer”.
    When I have finished my proclamations, I stand ready to receive orders on how to properly put on a diaper from my partner.

    I’m sure MR. Glendower has done the same.

  3. Kitty Glendower permalink
    January 22, 2008 1:04 am

    That’s what I’m talking about.

  4. gingermiss permalink
    January 22, 2008 6:43 am

    My friends and I have discussed (and witnessed) this kind of phenomenon many times. Seems that many men have to do practically nothing to be lavished with praise about what amazing parental figures they are. Lifting a finger apparently makes for a stellar father – or a sanctimonious one.

    Ah, and what a wit we have above us! Thank God for these men who can educate and admonish us with their bitingly refreshing sarcasm. Consider me a changed woman! Never again will I criticize another pompous lazy-ass faux-father.

  5. Rent Party permalink
    January 22, 2008 2:20 pm

    So Brotherkomrade’s comment on MLK was sarcastic too, now I get it. Are you turning into a troll, Brotherkomrade?

  6. brotherkomrade permalink
    January 22, 2008 5:46 pm

    I was not being sarcastic about the fact that I cannot fry fish and that Kitty’s food looked good on the MLK post!

    Ok, all kidding aside, as always, there are great truths and legitimate points that Kitty raises in some of her posts and the Male-Mother post was great. I too have experienced getting praises from other women when they see me change A diaper (I change many at home, but look for no praises) or when I’ve picked my girls up from their Harlem daycare. It’s sad, but I blame the brothers on that one that I, others like me should be given credit to do what should be natural to us and part of our duties and parents.

    I will say when our oldest was born that I was competitive if you will against the mother, not saying I can do better than her, but was trying to break my neck (and hers) to race to the crib for early morning feedings , or try to take on as much as my mother had done raising me. I was called out on it, and understood what was happening; it was like white guilt, where liberals try to prove how racist they aren’t and try to out ‘black’ you. It was male guilt that I was working out with and trying to be PC. later we just resolved that whoever woke up last, the other gets their turn.

  7. A-mazing Amazon permalink
    January 22, 2008 7:11 pm

    i guess it’s because so many fathers out there either opt out completely from parenting or they think that their job ends when they step foot in house is why so many women are wooed by the male-mother types. either way, the male-mothers and the regular ol’ fathers both find ways to sit atop a perch and bark about how they could do it better. heh, or maybe that’s just my experience. ;P

  8. Kitty Glendower permalink
    January 24, 2008 12:30 am

    Thanks Gingermiss and Rent Party. Men just can’t come up in here with guns out. You got that Brother?

    Yes Amazing, it is that opting out that makes the ones who stay around half ass look so great. Let a woman opt out, a reporter will track her down and shove a camera in her face, “why did you leave your kids…….why……why…..” Before you know it, the new story will be 50/50 that men/women opt out.

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