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The Fuckability Factor

August 21, 2008
If my child (or my sister’s, or niece’s, or daughters’, or most of the women I know) went missing and it was proven that I lied about my whereabouts, my job, the last time I saw my child and who supposedly had my child and cadaver dogs hit on a scent in the trunk of the car I was last known to be driving, no one would be coming across the country to post a $500,000 bond to get my ass out of jail.

The very act of bailing her out, regardless of the motive of her saviours, such as publicity or fame, although I think the darling damsel in distress scenario often move certain men to accomplish enormous feats, will simply add fuel to the ongoing divide and conquer war that women have been fighting amongst themselves since the implementation of patriarchy. Unfortunately, many women are more than ready to roast another woman over an open flame and nothing, nothing invokes battle more readily than preferential treatment given to a woman that typically has a high fuckability rating. A fuckability rating owned and operated by the patriarchy, which does in fact hierarchise that fuckable factor by size, race, class, age, and any other trait the patriarchy deem favorable and subsequently make their little dicks hard. Particularly when that preferential treatment reveals systematic injustices inflicted and ignored on the portion deemed less fuckable.

Many will deflect the reality of the situation by assigning talk show rebuttals such as “you are just jealous” and “you would not say that if it were you getting the preferential treatment.” Nevertheless, let us not allow that little diversion. It is so very easy to hate her. For one thing, I do believe she killed her daughter and for that I do hate her.

In the bigger scheme of things, I believe Casey killed her daughter because raunch culture has hijacked feminism. Instead of allowing feminism to find a solution regarding children, as in what happens to the children when women become sexually liberated and irresponsible (as men have been), raunch culture slipped in and hijacked their agenda. Raunch culture was interested in one thing only, ruanch culture. Raunch culture wants to fuck freely, fuck today, fuck tomorrow, fuck heterosexually, fuck bisexually, fuck homosexually, fuck polysexually, let’s just fuck, because MEN love to fuck. Men are usually guaranteed an orgasm. Women not so much. And more than that, since men don’t always enjoy the whole rape thing (The social stigma can kill a career!), it would be nice if some of those fucking fishes acted like they enjoyed fucking too, enjoyed stripping, and hot body contests and licking whisky shots off of dicks, etc, etc. Again, it is all about the fuck. Remember, nothing is superior to the fuck. Nothing.

In its developmental stage, raunch culture had no foresight, no time to concern itself with the aftermath of irresponsible sex (ain’t those bitches taking the pill, because a condom just don’t feel right, I want to feel the fuck), it was/is all about the now, and that is when the purist, the evangelical sect of society or could we call it the libertarian sect sent the message that motherhood can be fuckable too. MILF baby! What raunch culture did not care about, and if feminism did, it was no longer in their hands since their agenda was hijacked, was what happens to the child, the child that the irresponsible sex creates and, the evangelicals or whatever they are called persuaded the mother not to abort (motherhood is so cute, think of the baby showers, the glow, baby bumps are all the rage, the pretty little children’s clothes……). What happens when the gendered role that has been traditionally responsible for raising the children, sacrificing for the children is taught to behave like the gendered role that has been traditionally taught to leave the responsibility and sacrifice up to someone else?

Conflict, no way out, —–filicide, that’s what. So now we go from children weighing women down to children weighing women down. Thanks to raunch culture (along with the pro-pregnancy crowd, not necessarily the same beast as the anti-abortion crowd, but many probably reside in the same nest), men are fucking more freely. Win-win for men. Yet for women it is —prison, regret, confusion, shame, and psychopathic manifestations.

An interesting and somewhat related article by Helen Redmond, Raunch Culture is Everywhere

  1. Anna permalink
    August 22, 2008 1:35 pm

    Thanks for the link to Redmond's article. She hits the proverbial nail on the head. I get so angry sometimes Kitty I feel like my head is going to explode. Let's just say this raunch culture is alive & well where I work.

    I haven't been following the news story you mention about the missing child. How does it tie into raunch culture?

  2. Rent Party permalink
    August 22, 2008 2:06 pm

    Raunch culture – yes – I could go on, but should go to work. More anon.

  3. A-mazing Amazon permalink
    August 22, 2008 5:10 pm

    wow, thanks for sharing that Redmond article. i have been reading a lot lately about body-image, and raunch culture fits right in there…the way i see it it’s the willful acceptance of the degrading attacks on women’s bodies in an attempt to receive acceptance/attention. in the past i have been so very guilty of this. but a part of me hangs on to the word “bitch” as a self-identifier to keep most men out of my path. i’ve learned to soften my edge to get closer to women, they aren’t really the enemy even if some haven’t learned what i’ve learned yet. i was just at a get-together and met this young woman who was in distress about her boyfriends’ jealousy. she went through her tirade: she told him from the get-go that she has mostly guy friends because she doesn’t like the drama of girls, she doesn’t get along with girls…but who was she sitting with and crying and venting to? two women. it was the first time i saw with clear eyes what is going on between women these days. i don’t know when or how it started, but it is something i’ve always known and had always regurgitated just like that young woman at the party. “girls are too much drama, backstabbing, bullshit.” there is a wall that we women build at very young stages in our lives that separates us from one another, not too much unlike the wall of someone who’s been traumatized (which keeps them protected as well as shut-out from help). could it be that the patriarchy has inflicted so much pain and suffering that women are starting to embrace the tyranny? i think so. i think that’s the only way raunch culture has gotten as far as it has is because so many women are so incredibly traumatized.
    kitty, as always, your words are thought-provoking (to me at least!). 🙂

  4. The Fabulous Kitty Glendower permalink
    August 22, 2008 7:56 pm

    Anna, perhaps I need to unpack because I know there are several directions going in this post, but I do think they all belong together.

    Casey, the child’s mother exhibits many signs of embracing raunch culture, being a product of raunch culture. It’s tricky because I am quite sure there are people (the nature of the internet) waiting for the slight sign of slut shaming. No slut shaming at all, though it may appear as a thin line. Three days after Casey’s daughter supposedly went missing she was in a nightclub at a hot bodies contest. There are photographs, she is engaging in the whole let’s look hawt for men by appearing to make out with women (raunch culture is all about pleasing the men and convincing oneself, that is if oneself is female, that it is empowering to do so). Three days after her child supposedly went missing, or in my opinion, three days after she murdered her child (or maybe accidently killed the child and disposed of her body, something I find highly sacrilegious, even though I am not religious, it is almost as bad as the murder itself). Blah blah blah about how different people deal with grief differently. The child is missing and she is partying. She is partying because she has been liberated, she was probably raised liberated. Not saying being liberated is a bad thing, not at all. However, liberation cannot come at the price of disconnecting with one’s responsibilities. And as it stands, raunch culture has given women the illusion of sexual liberation, but with the illusion there is no one to clean up the messes that so called liberation makes. It makes messes because it is not a true liberation, but a faux one. Men are liberated because society has successfully put the onus of child rearing on women. If a man runs off, the mother is there, whether she wants to be or not. The pressures for her to be there, are there. Most often than not, she deals with the situation and raises the child. Even now, after she is supposedly sexually liberated. That is where the problem comes in. If she has been raised (by culture, by signals, by cues,) to think she has the same position as men, then what happens when she has a child? What becomes of that child? A man walks away, never looks back, but what is she to do? Society allows him to do that but not her. She could have given the child up or abort. But that is where the wrench has been thrown in the equation. These young women are being conned into believing that they are sexually liberated and can be mothers too, actually motherhood is being sold as something sexy, “the baby bump” and the “MILF” (mother I’ve like to fuck) (notice the “I” is assumed to be male, because it is all about the sexual availability for men). Yet, when the responsibility arrives and the mother has never controlled her impulses how is she equipped to care for a baby and keep her impulses in check (she does not know how to control her impulses, raunch cultures teaches her not to). I am not saying that women must be the ones to control their impulses, but if he isn’t and she isn’t, then what happens to the child? Thus, the child is abused, neglected, or murdered by the mother because society places the responsibility of raising the child with the mother. The child is in the way of the mother getting back to enjoying life the way she thought it was available for her before the child. The way she probably sees men enjoying their lives after they impregnate a woman. Thus lies the problem and what is causing a rise in women murdering their children, IMO.

    To top it all off, racism and classism is in play with this particular case. She is the embodiment of raunch culture, therefore the men who want to keep raunch culture alive and thriving will come and try to save her (post bail).

    I’m working through it all to connect the dots, and perhaps then what I want to express will be more understandble, but I know it all connects, I can feel it.

  5. The Fabulous Kitty Glendower permalink
    August 22, 2008 8:00 pm


    the way i see it it’s the willful acceptance of the degrading attacks on women’s bodies in an attempt to receive acceptance/attention.

    Exactly. It goes back to still pleasing men. What woman is the most fuckable, the most serviceable for men?

    she told him from the get-go that she has mostly guy friends because she doesn’t like the drama of girls, she doesn’t get along with girls…but who was she sitting with and crying and venting to? two women.

    Yes, another fine point. She needs to feel like she is superior to other women. Being superior to other women makes her feel closer to the boys, almost one of them. Maybe they will accept her as one of them, is probably a subconscious desire of hers. But the reality is, she will never be one of them.

  6. Natasha permalink
    August 23, 2008 2:53 am


    One, I LOVE the way you write, you can so nail it, crass, so blunt and to the point and no holds barred–and so truthful. Even painfully so because I KNOW so many of us women have been burned by that faux liberation, I know I have, Twice, LOL…though I never killed my kids [though about it a few times–kidding], but seriously,

    I never quite Put my finger on it though, as you and Helen Redmond have done and thats just it, Raunch culture hijacking feminism. And its even worse for the generation my daughters are in because now its not just the expectations of a new era but the young women, and yes, girls because many of them ARE just little girls, are putting the pressure on each other to fulfill this social design of this fuckable woman. And NOT just fuckable to men but to other women/girls, etc.,

    my daughter doesn’t just have to deal with the raunchiness of other boys her age but from other girls too, and this is happening at ages, no kidding, at about 8.

    I reached burn out in my thirties, I see my second oldest daughter reaching burn out, by her 20th birthday. What WAS deemed as teaching our daughters owning their bodies and being empowered is so easily turned into,

    ‘the more one is screwed the higher on the ladder they go’,

    and its not just the lower class strata its in every economic class…the Only difference is I think is that in the lower class, the young girls/women do not Have the funds to get abortions therefore they are often left with a child by the time they are 14, not only left with a child but left with the double edged sword of social scorn.

    Double mixed messages and what Is so painful is that these messages are coming from the liberal left, including the far left. By the time a young woman reaches 20 she realizes, what took me 30 years to realize, that she’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.

    But don’t think for one minute one can escape the raunch culture of patriarchy if they lean towards the GLBT community because its even worse there, from what I’ve gathered thus far…

    in fact, just on the GLBT personals, they criteria they demand is far more raunchy and physical than what the heterosexual community demands and that includes All aspects of the beauty standards of today, from completely shaven to completely hacked up, sewn up, perked up, you name it…

    and as liberal and as ‘out there wild’ as I thought our generation was, we were old school in comparison…and thats not saying much.

    My views changed drastically after living the realities of this so called ‘liberation’ and I have to say it has caused some inner conflict on even how I feel about a lot of feminist ideology–

    what is deemed by some as the trappings of patriarchy and constructs, i.e., romance, marriage, etc.,

    I have found, that some of those constructs or maybe not constructs, were a far better cry than the ‘cheapened version of intimacy’ that we have today.

    I did not have the bridal showers or the baby showers, the wedding or the honeymoon–none of that–it was just cheap, very primitive and crude relationships with that hardened veneer–

    and looking back I can’t say, I have any joyful recollections of any of it. None, just some fleeting moments that now, mean little to nothing,

    though yes, I have my two girls but the point I’m trying to make, nothing can undo that level of damage and I look at what my daughters are faced with today and it breaks my heart–is This the legacy of empowerment we are leaving them?

    I think we have ‘devolved’ rather than evolved. The other day, I was watching Swing Time, with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, the first time I’ve seen that film from beginning to end,

    I’m a late bloomer where classic films are concerned and I found myself, just enchanted beyond imagination and then, this empty really sad feeling and then this rage,

    Where has the romance gone? We talk about how women have come so far and how much respect we have but unless I’m crazy, I Don’t see that respect, and it says something, that when I look back in literature or in film back in that epoch, 30s to 40s, though patriarchal as ever,

    there Was this level of respect for women. Sure, maybe the sexism was just as blatant but at least, it wasn’t as crude,

    at Least there was an appearance of treating with respect and manners. Not anymore and while watching this film I couldn’t help but imagine, What would those women do Then, if they were talked to, treated, trashed the way women, young women are today?

    I think they would be Appalled and I think, the Feminists in that time would be appalled at just how debased we, as a society but too as a radical movement, have become.

    Today we have two extremes, we either have the supra sexualized fuckability model or the supra sexualized owned by the patriarch model in theocratic societies but both,

    are crude, violent, and are a far cry from anything romantic. By romantic I’m not talking about Cinderella, I’m talking about the boundaries that were eventually given away after a time of trust,

    we don’t even demand that anymore.

    And you are right Kitty it is a win win for men even more so because now men don’t even have to treat us with any humanity whatsoever,

    now its just, spread bitch and women do it…OR, there is that exchange of ‘things’, no more is it about relationships, no, just a cheapened barter and trade, commodity sales, neatly packaged and primed and shiny,

    and if a little frayed with wear, just go in for a snip snip here and remodel and put oneself back on the market again–commodity.

    Sad, it really is sad and the emotional toll is one that doesn’t usually come until later. There comes with that lifestyle a type of disconnect,

    similar yes, to prostitution. In my young days, I was a runaway, without going into detail here but, I can vouch that there is that similarity,

    that being disconnected where you can go through the motions but on the inside nothing is there…and, that comes too from the raunchy culture’s effects on the relationship of commodity barter–better known to some as dating but its not even dating anymore,

    its just a sizing up, wam bam thank you mam and off you go to the next better thing comes along….and THAT too, has an effect on adult to child relationships because if there is no need to form intimate commitments with adults–to learn that dance of taking time to break down so sweetly those boundaries, that romance,

    then life becomes cheap. Relationships become cheap and easily tossed aside and yes, I do think, its becoming where children are tossed aside, when they become inconvenient. Violence towards children is increasing, not decreasing…

    and not just violence in far as parent-child abuse but violence as far as society is concerned, child commits a crime, no big deal, throw child in adult prison, America [and Iran and other nations] do this all the time And even the death penalty for minor children,

    child a burden, no big deal, sell them off or pimp them out—societies are doing this more and more AND are normalizing it.

    Even in the conservative ‘family’ right wing its not uncommon to hear those who say nothing is wrong with child labor…

    we’ve lost our humanness in this raunch culture, and Yes,

    we’ve lost the romance. Here I am, now in my forties and I think, maybe that whole romance and kindness and old ways weren’t as negative as I was was lead to believe…maybe They had something that we do not,

    maybe Those women then were a bit more empowered than we are today? It wasn’t that they were naive nor not keen or aware of the patriarchal structure then, some of the best feminist writing I’ve read comes from that epoch,

    even prior to but one thing I will say, they didn’t ever give up the belief that they Deserved better. Somewhere along the way, we lost that–and now women don’t even demand that anymore…its patriarchal, its old, its entrapment,

    but, looking from where I sit, I see more women TRAPPED and living in poverty with children and they don’t look very empowered…bitter and disillusioned maybe but not empowered.

    And it was that–that raunch culture, that took priority, over Demanding respect, demanding we are treated as not just equals but human beings. Not body parts, not fuckable blow up dolls, not dildos and not commodity pieces that need to fuel the medical establishment in fees to keep that polished new look,

    like leased cars now it seems that we have become leased women.

    But like cars, eventually, ladies, the gas wears thin and they just don’t make those ‘parts’ to fix anymore, and some damage,

    just can’t be repaired. And all the nostalgia in the world, just doesn’t bring it back…

    good post Kitty, we need more coverage and discourse on this issue.

  7. The Fabulous Kitty Glendower permalink
    August 25, 2008 12:42 am

    Wow Natasha, that comment is a post in itself. I think I would like to make a post out of it, crediting you of course, even using most of your exact same sentences.

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