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Why My Blogging Rate Has Been Sucky

October 7, 2008
People still check in to see (I guess) if I have (or in some cases we have) posted anything new. It looks like posts are few and far between. I suppose I have an explanation, or perhaps an excuse, or could it be a whine. I have asked a few times for contributors but no interest followed. I am sure it is because I do not participate much on comment threads elsewhere and rarely reply to comments left here or maybe this blog lacks a specific definition. One of these days subtlety and wit will be fashionable again, and then see how many people come knocking on my door. Humph. Will I be the let bygones be bygones type, or will I sulk like Kenley and not participate in the group hug. Ah, so you are not familiar with this Kenley person. Well, it is not my job to fill you in; apparently, I am too much in the know to catch you up to speed. Or maybe that is why I’ve not been blogging, because I do know who Kenley is, along with Leanne, Korto, and Miss Jerrell.

If I had to sum it up, I would say my lack of blogging or consistent blogging is the result of two, okay, three things, but I will focus on the two for now. First, I am not paid to blog. This stated fact has nothing to do with need. We do not need the money. Of course, to make money from blogging would be all the better and would motivate me some because it proves that what I write is worth something, at least to someone willing to pay. In our society, that something is usually money. Alas, I am not the type that can make money from blogging. People who blog for money must either ask for donations, something I find deplorable to a certain extent and also somewhat binding, or write in a way to attract a large crowd, a crowd large enough to draw attention to advertisers and sponsors (sponsors I may not care to promote). I am no such writer. I know my writing is condense (at times), without flattery, and I refuse, simply refuse to go in circles. I read popular bloggers, and I am sorry but they write in circles. Not in a circular way that may suggest convolution (that may be interesting if the subject is), but in an around and around way that repeats the topic sentence over and over again, so much so that the body and the conclusion is the topic sentence, and in the end, nothing is actually said but the one thing that is initially stated, which coincidentally is also the subject that all the other popular bloggers are discussing within a six to twelve hour window. Instead of submitting to this type of writing style, I rather open my mouth and allow an over zealous Dutch butcher to hammer my tongue wafer thin with a meat tenderizer.

The days of being fueled by symbolic gestures such as doing a public service, connecting with others (a farce in most cases), or practicing for the future (does anyone ever really help with grammar and such or just use it against you when they don’t like what you are saying) are gone. What future? If I am writing here, what am I writing for the future? Who is willing to pay for a topic that can be googled. If I had a nickel for every time that stupid American Express entry has been googled or Virginia Woolf or some other author that is probably being studied in a school somewhere (the ISP is usually an university and I cringe imagining that something I wrote with little thought is being used by a student who should be reading and coming up with his or her own thoughts). The whole symbolic gesture does little for me. Well, it worked at the beginning of my military career, but once I realised that all I got for my hard work (above and beyound the call of duty!) was a piece of paper (sometimes not even that) and a ribbon or medal (that is not made out of any type of valuable metal) I was finished with the whole idea. Try sitting late at night working on planning and estimating for projects, missing work outs, eating poorly, and forgoing socialising and then turning to a medal for rejuvenation and purpose and see how far it gets you. It does not seem to pan out as originally envisioned. The medal is cold, lifeless, and down right ugly when stared at for long periods between sucking up diet coke and gulping down cold French fries.

Nevertheless, I have trouble writing and not being paid. I feel about it the same way I feel about people using their personal cell phone for work. If the boss and other employees are going to call me about work related subjects, they will not be using up my cell phone minutes (even if I have an unlimited plan). No one at a job needs to have that much access to me, ever! If employers want to contact employees then they should provide a cell phone and be willing to pay the bill when that time is charged. Lawyers do it. What makes their time more valuable from yours or mine? Are we going to pay only for face-to-face time, or every time I am consulted? I am not your bitch ready and waiting for your call. I will see you back in the office during regular scheduled (paid) working hours. The thing is, if I write about something that is somewhat informative I want, maybe, need, to feel like I have researched, investigated what I am talking about instead of just offering an uniformed opinion. One, because I really would like to be informed, and two, people will abuse what I say (see my second reason below) if it is not an airtight opinion. We have become a culture of literal meaning and theoretical purity (even if it is not practiced or attempted in reality by the one’s demanding the purity and forcing a literal meaning). This research and investigation takes time, time I do not particularly care to give away free. Women are always expected to give away their time for nothing. Therefore, I refrain from doing it. I realise that I allow myself to be hemmed up in the same way in regards to commenting at other places. It is as if I do not have anything substantial to say, I do not comment, but not commenting appears as not reading and prevents gaining readers, and I despise the in-between, the I love your post, you are the best type comments that many utilise in order to network.

Now if I am only going to write about myself, as in emotive writing, then I do not think I feel bad about not being paid. But, I read once that white women tend to be emotive writers. No one objected to that labeled so I assumed it was accepted as fact or at the very least a majority shared opinion. Well that bugs me a bit. Are only white women allowed (or expected) to be emotive writers on the Internet. Would that mean other than white women women are expected to write a certain way, a way that avoids being emotive? Moreover, if a person is emotive will he or she be labeled as whatever people are labeled when engaging in particular writing styles and topics, —such as writing about one self in an emotional vein. Will I be assigned a race and class and background based on my style? Will that be constructed based on the readers constructions? The very possibility of being boxed in brings me to the second reason that my blogging has been lacking.

That second reason is how personal, invasive and abusive people on the Internet can be quite often. Sure there are the tough kids who think if you cannot take the heat blah blah blah or think it is perfectly okay to remove (or ignore) the fact that an individual, a person wrote the words that are being minced, misconstrued, deliberately used for malice, and as justification for whatever (usually something negative, juvenile, and unproductive toward the betterment of society), etc. But come on, we are fucking people writing here, living and breathing people with unique stories and experiences. One such monstrous invasion for example was, right after Guy’s death, someone appropriated (I cannot think of a better word) his death, (subsequently my heartache) for a fucking blog post. It has literally been the biggest WTF I have encountered on the Internet in six years of various types of blogging. I mean honestly. Here I am expressing my deepest pain, the lost of a beloved friend, and some motherfucker says, “Hey, his dying will make a good blog post, even though I never talked to him before, never linked to him, never commented, never participated in forums that he did, never acknowledged his existence, never did anything that can remotely appear as having any kind of sympathy or empathy for his plight, but now is my chance, because I’ve writer’s block and cannot think of anything to post so what the hell I will post about his death.” Can lack of human compassion reach a lower level? Is it possible for irreverence to fail decorum with any more vulgarity than this?

Of course there are all the others, the ones who cannot wait to accuse you of saying something you did not say or to highlight a change of opinion or a possible hypocrisy or the never ending need to expose you as whatever you are or are not, whether you claim or own whatever from the beginning. It is like there is a roving band of police trying to make their monthly quota of ticket revenue and you are the poor fool who has already been stopped (and ticketed) twice for that broken taillight and is just trying to make it to the nearest auto part store before it closes.

Sure, there are people who can ignore the harsh words and juvenile antics of others but I just find it so unacceptable and frankly an affirmation that they wish to maintain the status quo. When people are backed into a corner, their instincts are usually fight or flight. Fighting can get old and destructive and flying away produces little, most importantly, it retards growth, hence the maintaining of the status quo. There are people who need to hate people. I resent the hell out of that mentality because it is squandering, and I hate squandering as probably does anyone else who has lived a life of lost opportunities or deprived circumstances.

Once I was told by another blogger that I needed to write, because if I did not I would be forever living in my head. I do live in my head; initially it was my means for survival, now it is habit. A hard habit to break apparently. But she is right because more times than not, I’ve seen interesting conversations that some one else wrote about, topics that I formulated months ago in my head but never got around to getting it down on paper.—- because. I need to meet the fun in blogging again, because without the fun, —it is just blah, unpaid work.

  1. ZACK permalink
    October 7, 2008 4:29 pm

    I agree with you about the fact that blogging for free makes one feel unattached to posting on a regular basis. The only reason why I’ve been posting so much is that the news has been full of good stories lately.

    It’s all about cycles though. Sometimes the news inspires me, other times it doesn’t.

    Good post!

  2. gingermiss permalink
    October 7, 2008 10:47 pm

    I would add general exhaustion. I try to check in every once in a while, but my job has consumed my life. I’m tired all the time. Writing is emotionally draining for me.

  3. Hawa Bond permalink
    October 8, 2008 2:11 pm

    I started keeping a personal journal at the age of 12. I’m 37. I see blogging as an opportunity to join my love of keeping a journal with my love of the computer age.

    In my case, blogging for free is a joy, like the joys that others participate in after work.

    And I must give you a “pound” on the women expected to work for free stuff. I went through that phase of my life – making myself available to help everybody. It’s taxing, exhausting, draining, and unnecessary. I just accepted a side job to build a website for a church. Best believe, they received a discount, but my valuable time will be covered.

    = = = = = =
    Please give to classroom projects in high poverty public schools via DonorsChoose 2008: Friends of Fackin Truth Blog (Participating via the AfroSpear with Black Bloggers for Education).

  4. CountryDew permalink
    October 9, 2008 6:45 pm

    While it’s not going to make you fabulously wealthy, a few ads would bring in a little income. Not enough to write home about but perhaps enough to make you feel like what you’re doing has some worth. If you’re not writing for yourself and enjoying it, though, then you shouldn’t do it regardless of the money. Life is too short to do things that seem more chore than fun. Go have fun.

  5. Anna permalink
    October 10, 2008 10:58 pm

    Such a thoughtful post, Kitty. I genuinely understand much of what you say though, if I had any advice of worth to give you about blogging I would share it with myself as well. So we are both out of luck.

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