Skip to content

Get Ready, Next Week The Weight Reduction Industry™ Will Stick Their Hands Out

December 26, 2008

Maybe they will apply for a bailout. (I had to use the compound word bailout before 2008 was over!)

How much money will fat shaming make for the Weight Reduction Industry™ during our current recession? Will they suffer along with retailers? Only, just only if I could read as many rants about all the upcoming weight loss fuss that we will no doubt hear blaring (#1 New Year’s resolution and all), as I heard about the old so terrible people who actually look forward to and enjoy Christmas, you know the people who can refrain from feeling obligated to buy everyone, including people they do not like presents, and actually have fun with a Christmas day/dinner without needing everything to be perfect and/or attach little to no religious meaning to Christmas. Yes Virginia, it can be a fun time of year.

The double-double beneficial whining-silent-whining technique will be utilised to rack up double-double woe is me hipsters are kewl points because they acknowledge and oppress simultaneously. When the economy is doing okay, in other words, when people are made to feel that taking a triple mortgage out on an artificially inflated value home or charge, charge, charge to buy more toys and take that over seas holiday is nothing to be ashamed of, but a virtue, and feeling all smug while recommending that poor folks plant vegetable gardens to eat if they are so damn hungry, and also to stop eating all of that lard, then celebrating Christmas and acting like the Donald Trump candy man once a year is a-okay! Shriek! The artificial bubble done broke yall! When the bills come in and egg is on the face of the fool paying $750 alone (without fuel and maintenance cost) a month to ride around in the big space hogger with a Jawbone™ glued to his I wish I was Doctor Who ear, while texting rubbish and driving, oh, oh, Christmas is horrible, just horrible, just horrible, just horrible! For the love of Gawd, the horror of Christmas!

Will those crybabies stand strong, stand next to the fat acceptance people and rant about all the Bally’s hyper-sexualised let’s get ready for the spring little polka dot bikinis only $19 a month for like ever because being fuckable is empowering, Jenny Craig —if former fat celebrity who is not really fat can do it, so can you, and endless Nutri-system screaming about trophy wives and never looking so hot commercials, or will they remain silent? I suspect silence.

“The cardboard cut out fattie is not a real fattie, so I can grope shame her and not be wrong. Anyways, why rant about the inevitable? It is just stupid fat commercials, don’t pay any attention to them, or the people staring at your fat ass, or the doctor talking about your fat ass, or the people on the bus sneering at your fat ass, or the little kid saying ewww mommy look at that fat ass. There is nothing we can do about it. What will our ranting, protesting, boycotting, and dissenting do to that industry? We must all pick our own battles? Besides, it is not the same argument at all. Apples and oranges. The peer pressure for me to buy presents and be jolly is just so overwhelming; I must comply, unlike the peer pressure and shame that is directed at those fatties. They need the shame to help motivate their fat asses.”

And yes, the target will almost always be women. Women must lose weight, dammit! It is a patriarchal mandate.

One Comment
  1. Chris permalink
    December 27, 2008 4:06 pm

    There are several very legitimate reasons to loose weight for both genders. A bikini is not one of them.

    But the diet products, get slim quick equipment, and such are all crap. Crappity crap crap.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: