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You Can’t Know

April 23, 2009

“Unfortunately, you were given wrong information as was the public,”   Megan McAllister wrote to ABC News in an e-mail. “All I have to say to you is Philip is a beautiful person inside and out and could not hurt a fly! A police officer in Boston (or many) is trying to make big bucks by selling this false story to the TV stations. What else is new?  Philip is an intelligent man who is just trying to live his life so if you could leave us alone we would greatly appreciate it. We expect to marry in August and share and wonderful, meaningful life together.”

Please, just stop.


No woman, and I mean no woman knows what a man does twenty-four hours a day, every day of the year. Unless you are literally chained to a man, are wide-awake, and have all your faculties about you, —you do not know what a man is doing or capable of doing. Period.


Actually, if one were to consider the statistics, it is more than a probability that yes, yes he would do such a thing. Yet, it would not be a fly, it would be a woman.


  1. April 23, 2009 6:26 pm

    Run, Megan, Run! Don’t look back! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. undercoverpunk permalink
    April 23, 2009 7:02 pm

    I live in Boston and this story is TOP news! I’ve been using it as an opportunity to point out that *ENTITLEMENT precedes violence* AND that he specifically targeted women is clearly MISOGYNY (duh). Not that it’s anything outside of the ordinary, but NO one is talking about the fact that these are HATE CRIMES. Against women. And women’s sexuality. Grrrrrr.

    • April 24, 2009 4:13 pm

      Exactly. Why didn’t ol-boy solicit men on-line? It is not as if he would not have gotten any takers.

    • undercoverpunk permalink
      April 24, 2009 4:57 pm

      Mmmm-hmmm! EVERY sexual assault upon a woman IS a HATE CRIME: she is attacked merely because she is a woman. The attacker seeks a WOMAN specifically.

      In this case, although the media has identified his motive as being financial, the victims’ underwear were found in Markoff’s apartment. If that isn’t clear evidence of the reality that female sexuality was essential to his attack, I don’t know what is.
      He almost certainly could’ve garnered more cash-money by committing other crimes such as pure robberies—especially of MEN or stores.

      Hahaha: “get your delusion off my reality!” Very funny, Kitty! 😀

    • April 24, 2009 11:54 pm

      Yeah, the robbery motive seems just a tad thin, given the underwear collection and targeting females for robbery when males are far more likely to have a lot more dosh.

  3. April 23, 2009 9:29 pm

    This is one of my pet peeves. I can understand needing to think to yourself that the men around you are not deranged. I can understand wanting to believe that.

    What I can’t abide by is actually saying it aloud. What good does it do anyone other than the man you’re trying to protect? It’s almost as if some women wouldn’t give a shit if we were all raped and murdered just so long as no one ever actually had to call any man a rapist and a murderer. It’s as if admitting to the possibility of it – or the reality of it – is worse than the actual deed itself. I really don’t get that.

    I have a cousin who actually just got out of prison not long ago for raping a woman.

    We in the family aren’t allowed to say anything at all about his guilt; his mother won’t hear of it. We’re not to call him a rapist, and we’re only allowed to mention the victim if we’re slamming her credibility.

  4. Polly Styrene permalink
    April 23, 2009 10:02 pm

    But women say this ” I KNOW my boyfriend/husband/father/son/best friend is not a rapist. How can you know, unless he is your fricking conjoined twin woman? Think!

  5. Mary Sunshine permalink
    April 23, 2009 10:04 pm


    This is so horrendously the case for 95% of all of us whose mothers stand/stood staunchly by their child-raping husbands. My mother’s only concern was that no one outside the family should ever hear that fact referred to, and that no credibility ever be given within the family to my experience.

    She could never give a shit about whether he actually did it. Just whether or not anybody else in the world would ever think that he did, or think that she thought that he did. Oh yeah, and “mommy loves you”.

    Gaslighting. It’s a very big word.

  6. April 23, 2009 10:33 pm

    Oh, Mary Sunshine. If I were there with you and if you’d let me, I’d hug you and hug you. It is terrible.

    How have we gotten to the point where the mere idea of “good men” is more important than the actual existence of all the really bad ones, and all the bad ones who identify with the really bad ones but just don’t want to get caught?

  7. April 23, 2009 10:44 pm

    Margie – I don’t think this makes it *okay*, but my opinion about why women put thinking/talking-well-of-predatory-men above, oh I don’t know, other women, reality, etc., is that, simply, to really face the whole picture – how many and how much men hate women – would cause them to literally lose their minds. I say this as someone who has nearly experienced such herself, more than once. I did not find the antidote to that to be to go back into self-contained or public denial, but…I do feel like I understand that mechanism, much as I dislike it.

    Especially, as you mention, I dislike the trying-to-foist-your-denial-off-on-me bullshit of loudly proclaiming the supposed innocence of particular men. And as much as I do, as I say above, feel like I understand the *why* of it technically, I personally hold women responsible themselves for that – it is not something I can just think “oh hey patriarchy did her in,” about. Yes, everything around us affects us, but these are grown ass human beings we’re talking about. They can fucking do better.

    • April 24, 2009 4:19 pm

      I agree with this for some women in some cases, because there are things that I can imagine that will send me over the edge (and not be able to come back). For example, I cannot indulge delusions; I cannot pretend that my reality is not my reality in order to accommodate societal norms, political favorable views, and what is currently be accepted by the it-crowd. If I agree with and went along with social norms and customs that simply do not align with my experience of reality I would go over the edge. I thought about it yesterday, I think my new tag line is, “Get your delusion off my reality.”

      Nevertheless, I cannot help to think the real and main reason women will not come to the reality of men is that it would cost them some of the privileges they get by going along.

  8. Polly Styrene permalink
    April 23, 2009 11:04 pm

    The other thing that comes into play is ‘but he’s a nice man’. And we are not supposed to admit that rapists/child abusers are ‘nice men’. Even though they usually are.

    • April 24, 2009 11:52 pm

      Yup, most rapists/child abusers look and act like ordinary dudes – that would be because they are ordinary dudes – with no thought for anyone but themselves and their ‘needs’. Domestic abusers are cut from the same cloth. Mr Nice Guy to everyone else except the victim.

      This is why victims are rarely believed.

      The law is not dealing with these dudes, so we should start covert ops. Find the guilty dudes, slip something in their drink, and they wake up with a nice tattoo of *rapist* on their forehead.


  9. atheistwoman permalink
    April 24, 2009 1:47 am

    And I love the description of him as an all-American man. It’s like since when has being American stopped any man from being a violent asshole?

    • April 24, 2009 4:25 pm

      All American and nice (as Polly says above) seem to remove any doubt about his character. It reminds of a short story by Herman Melville. Billy Budd. Everyone liked Billy Budd and thought he was a great guy, but the only thing he ever did was be handsome and do his job. But because he looked the part, he could not have possibly done anything wrong.

  10. atheistwoman permalink
    April 24, 2009 1:47 am

    Quite the opposite in fact…

  11. atheistwoman permalink
    April 24, 2009 4:30 pm

    I can’t recall the details, but I remember thinking that the man he killed deserved to die, and that Billy did not. The whole story seemed very authoritarian and obsessed with “rightness” and “law,” to me.

    • April 24, 2009 4:39 pm

      You are quite right, there was no love lost for the man Billy killed. And, it didn’t seem right that Billy should hang for it. But, in a land with a law, I suppose, the point was being made that killing is illegal, period. The whole “rightness” and “law” you mentioned. (Not that I am condoning and/or denouncing that). It is just that I always put myself in the character’s shoes and I remember thinking what exactly did Billy do (before the murder) that made him so much more likeable than any one else. In each passage, it went back to his looks. It was because since he was Adonis-ish, he was defaulted as being on the side of good. —-Tis, my only point. We must not allow appearance to fool us. Perhaps Billy Budd is not the best example, but what did he really do to deserve so much praise beside look pretty? And that story was written over 150 years ago, and still, we give the pretty people the benefit of the doubt over the not so pretty people.

      And trust me, Melville is not among my favorite writers. He was a misogynist pretentious prig. He could not even bother to ever include a female character unless she was some extension of a man, and even then, he could not even bother to build her up more than a stock example.

  12. atheistwoman permalink
    April 24, 2009 4:34 pm

    I do understand your point though, about how he had a stutter and was handsome everyone thought he was innocent.

  13. atheistwoman permalink
    April 24, 2009 4:34 pm

    Reminds me of the Chris Brown thing (though he doesn’t have a stutter).

    • April 24, 2009 4:40 pm

      Yuck. But, tell me about it. My daughter mentioned the other day, “oh, but he is so handsome.” Well, too bad, so sad. Handsome can beat your ass like ugly can.

    • August 16, 2010 8:04 am

      Goddamn it. He got off easy. I hate that this asshole was allowed to die on his own terms when so many women, including the one he murdered, are not afforded that choice.

    • Mary Sunshine permalink
      August 16, 2010 11:30 am

      This seems to a frequent course of action with perpetrators of multiple gynocide. Control over circumstances using deadly force. Cheating the hangman.


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