There Is No Equality in Domestic Violence
It seems that men have successfully convinced society and even many women, including women who have been abused by men, and/or women who are looking from the outside of a situation in, that a woman’s possibly annoying non-violent actions are equal to a man’s violent actions.
This past Friday, my friend’s daughter, Asia was beaten up by her husband. Asia and her husband were just married last fall. There are no children involved. Two days after the beat down, I knew Asia was going back to him. Once she left the hospital with her shoulder and arm in a sling and stopped calling her mother, it was only a matter of time. My friend said after the second day, Asia was acting as if it was no big deal, as if nothing ever happened. She could not understand why Asia was acting indifferent. I told her she was acting indifferent because she would be too embarrassed if she did not check her outrage before returning to him. How does it look to rant and rave the whole weekend when you know come Monday you will be retuning to the loser?
Nevertheless, what is troubling is how it has all been explained away:
Asia went back to her husband. He agreed to go to counseling. I told her when I see her I will not go to her apartment. I will meet her somewhere else because I don’t want to see his face. I believe she nagged him and provoked him because he is a quiet guy. They were arguing before they got married. Asia does not know how to turn it off and walk away and cool off. She knows how to push his buttons. She said she would not press charges because it will hurt them in the future when he tries to get a job. It seems to me that she was in the wrong with her big mouth. He was in the wrong for fighting back with his hands.
Domestic abuse is never equal. Just because you know some guy, or heard of some guy, some quiet guy, you know that mysterious guy who does everything right, surrenders his uncashed paycheck to the woman, kisses her ass, sucks her toes, polishes her fingernails, makes dinner every night, does all the housework, never calls her a bitch, cunt, or contaminated, walks the dog, picks up the dog’s poop, washes her car every other day, makes her lunch for work, does not think about ejaculating his nasty toadstool soup into her not a contaminated tureen until he knows for 100% sure that she is completely and totally sexually satisfied, snuggles with her cat, writes poetry specifically for her, doodles his first name with her nee sir name inside little hearts on paper napkins, bakes bread for her mother and churns homemade butter for that bread, and never lays a hand on her, even when she hammers him with her fists for no reason what so ever other than he was standing there not askingly asking for it, does not mean women beat on men at the same rate that men beat on women. No. That one arcane man that is beaten by a woman is not an equal stand in for the millions and millions of women who have been beaten by men and who are being beaten by a man right now as I type this.
No. Stop acting like everything is equal between men and women. It is not. Even if the man and woman were the same height, weight, and possess the same strength and managed to get exactly the same amount of blows in hitting the exact same spot as one another, the two are not equal.
When the police show up, you know, the very profession that disproportionately have wife abusers in their ranks, they will do all they can to believe the woman is guilty of some wrongdoing. They will ask her accusatory questions. Their questions will insinuate that she provoked her abuser. Men no longer have that so-called masculine shame that supposedly prevents them from speaking up when a woman allegedly abuses them. Masculinity be damned. They have chucked that strategy a few years back. Men have learned that it is more beneficial for them to play the victim, even when it is a big fat lie, and most of the time it is just that.
If the police do manage to take the man downtown, instead of the woman, because let’s not pretend that men are automatically hauled off to the pokey when women claim abuse, he will not face the same obstacles had it been her making that same trip. He will not risk rape at the ratio she will. He will not risk having his children taken away from him at the ratio she will. He will not be disbelieved at the rate she will be doubted. And the biggest zinger of all, he will not be raked over the coals for returning to his alleged abuser as she will.
Now that preceding example was based on if the man and woman were the same height, weight, and possess the same strength and managed to get exactly the same amount of blows in hitting the exact same spot as one another. Thus, it is all inconsequential. Because the reality is, her big mouth equals him using his hands.
*I have used a heterosexual male/woman model, because it is what represents the case of my friend’s daughter and her abusive husband.