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March 17, 2010

Now, while it is my opinion that all males are rapists, I also think the focus of many liberal white feminists on “date rape” is extremely self-serving.  It is certainly true that girls and women have most to fear from males they trust, but extending unwarranted trust to “dates” is an altogether different thing than the trust that little girls have in male relatives, for example.  Little girls have little choice in the matter of their guardians, whether temporary or permanent, while heterosexual women do have some choice when it comes to “dates.”  Rather than acknowledge, though, that all “date” rapes could be prevented by refusing to cloister oneself alone with males in a “romantic” context, most liberal white feminists focus their energies on begging males to honor the trust women have in them.

This completely invisibilizes the fact that trust means different things depending on the specific relationship a rapist has to his victim(s).  The trust that girls, mentally or physically disabled women, female prison inmates, and even female worshipers (in certain environments) must have for their wards or guardians is not voluntary.  Girls and women in these situations are dependent upon male relatives, male nurses and orderlies, male guards, and male clergy in ways that heterosexual women are decidedly not dependent upon male “dates.”  Because of this dependency, girls and women who are raped under these circumstances have even less recourse than do women who choose to consort with rapists (under the flimsy auspices of never having suspected the male in question to be capable of rape, despite his possessing all the equipment necessary to do so).

Why is it that these women can, on the one hand, see that a woman is most at risk of rape in the company of men who are known to her, while on the other hand, limiting the scope of “men who are known to her” to potential “dates”?  They beg the well-to-do, “polite,” white males they’d like to marry not to rape them, but they scoff at the notion that these same males ought not be let anywhere near girl-children or female patients, etc.   If a woman is most likely to be raped by the males known to her, the simple solution for those who do have a choice is to limit one’s interactions with males.  Feminist energies should be spent on preventing male access to girls and women who don’t have a choice.

44 Comments
  1. March 17, 2010 8:33 pm

    “Feminist energies should be spent on preventing male access to girls and women who don’t have a choice.”

    Seconded. After all, if most men are decent and it’s only a small percentage that go around committing the violence on high volumes of girls and women (that’s gotta be SOME fucking multi-tasking skills by the way), that frees us all up to stand with the female people who are the targets of these stray males. The rest shouldn’t need our screeds about why it’s bad to rape your friend/daughter/wife/cousin/neighbor/employee anyway! Problem solved by most males not being rapists!!!

    Or…

    problem ignored and posts written about how hatred is wrong no matter who it’s directed at (stop being mean to males!) and how this view of yours is victim-blaming and no different than those who say “she had it coming because she was all tarted up!”

  2. March 18, 2010 2:06 am

    I figured that’s the way folks would read it. It’s amazing that saying all males are rapists ends up being read as a condemnation of women. The fact of the matter is that no one can do anything to prevent rapists from raping women who choose to be alone with them. And the only way to prevent the rapes of girls and women who don’t have a choice is to advocate for the exclusion of males from certain roles in the lives of the most vulnerable female people. It’s really heartbreaking, and enraging, that the least bit of concern for the most vulnerable is seen as a slight against those who speak with the voice that dominates the discourse.

  3. March 18, 2010 2:06 am

    ” Feminist energies should be spent on preventing male access to girls and women who don’t have a choice.”

    Thirded.

    I might also like to add, education to womyn and girls about why men DON’T have a “right” of access to them, and if teh menz@! really want our trust so bad, then they will have to change their own culture, attitudes and values.

    • March 18, 2010 2:08 am

      I think I should also add that my ideal solution involves the extinction of the entire species Homo Sapiens.

  4. March 18, 2010 4:16 pm

    Somewhere, some troll is reading this and thinking its victim blaming. I can just see the (white) women now running to their computers or laptops to type out a post about how holding women accountable for their actions and interactions with men is blaming them for the attack and is patriarchal and misogynist etc.

    So for the idiots who will go there, and you will go there, this is NOT victim blaming. The point is that if you, simple hetero, go out on a date with a man, and trust him to act against his nature (violent, privileged, entitled, and aggressive) why are you surprised when he acts like a dood? I’m getting real tired of all this “goose that laid the golden egg” bs people seem to believe about themselves.

    On the other hand I know that whether or not a woman complies, males will do whatever they damn well please! One of my very dear friends went to see the movie Precious and it’s basically her life story. So, after the movie, she went to a bar to have a drink. She was by herself, unfortunately. Some guy kept trying to put the moves on her and she politely turned him down even shared that she’s a lesbian (which I suspect is why he did what he did to her…) to get him to leave her alone. She walked away from the bar to go to the restroom and came back and finished her drink (huge no-no, biggest mistake ever.) The next thing she knew it was the next morning, she was naked in his house and sore all over. This man raped her in every way possible just because he fucking could. So you see, I’m all for women doing whatever is necessary to protect themselves from men. Including not dating them or being alone with them in a “romantic” way among other things.

    A woman should be able to live her life without the fear of a man inflicting his will upon her however he sees fit. A woman should be able to go to a bar and have a drink without a man pouncing on her like an animal on fresh meat! A woman should be safe in her birthday suit, a business suit, or a bathing suit. But the reality is we’re never safe, we’re never secure. As long as there are males around there is danger. We need to regard EVERY male as a potential rapist/abuser. I feel terrible about what happened to my friend, we’ve known each other forever and she is like a sister to me. But I feel about this date rape thing the same way I do about black women befriending white women. Always expect them (males or white women) to act the way male/white women do, do not expect different it’s a set up. You are not so special that you should come out unscathed from an encounter with a member of an oppressor group, and do not be surprised when males/whites act the way male/white people do.

    No woman deserves to be raped, that isn’t the sentiment in my comment or in Margie’s post. The point is that we have to always regard the enemy as such, and be accountable for our own actions. It’s a crying shame that we’re not free to be safe at any given moment, but that is our reality. And we are old enough and smart enough to know that, so the illusion of males as being decent respectful human beings has to stop. And we have got to stop focusing on GROWN WOMEN who know better while ignoring girls and women who don’t have the ability to protect themselves.

    • March 19, 2010 4:14 am

      Thank you. What happened to your friend is absolutely horrifying, and it’s NOT “date” rape. She didn’t seclude herself in some man’s vehicle or hovel, only to be “surprised” by his behavior. I hope that she has recovered as much as is humanly possible from what that man did to her.

      And you’re right. So many women refuse to acknowledge that they have *any* agency whatsoever, unless they’re swinging on a stripper pole. Whenever we’re doing something that supports male supremacy, we have all the “agency” in the world and don’t you dare demean our “choices.” But as soon as we talk about having the agency to exert *female* power, to our own benefit, despite male supremacy, all of a sudden we’re “blaming” victims.

      It happens all the time. I’ll never forget suggesting at Twisty’s blog that women should travel in groups. There was an absolute uproar. Twisty herself stepped in to say that it was useless and that the only reason there was any male supremacy in the first place was because of aesthetic femininity (ignoring the fact that failure to physically protect yourself [ie, masochism] is also feminine; femininity is not just about nail polish). And in order to dismiss the notion that women could do anything at all to decrease the odds of being singled out for attack by a stranger, a whole bunch of rich, white, blond-hair-dyed, makeup-wearing women went along with it. It is insane.

    • March 19, 2010 6:25 pm

      Thank you. What happened to your friend is absolutely horrifying, and it’s NOT “date” rape. She didn’t seclude herself in some man’s vehicle or hovel, only to be “surprised” by his behavior. I hope that she has recovered as much as is humanly possible from what that man did to her.

      I agree with you, she didn’t seclude herself in some man’s car or house. But she did leave her drink and she came back to it and finished it. He followed her out and then kidnapped her and took her to his house to rape her. And my point is that we need to always be on alert whenever males are around, or women need to not go to bars/spaces where there are men. Unfortunately most of the women i know who have been “date raped” have not been on dates with men when it happened. It has been the result of some predatory male who watched her all night, or who tried to come on to her and got pissed when she rejected him and slipped something in her drink.

      But again this just supplements the point that all males are to be regarded as potential rapists. I don’t buy Sarah’s “most are quite redeemable” lib fem bullshit either. My mother took care to make sure that we were never left alone with males in our family because she didn’t trust them. She had been raped by a male friend of the family as a little girl (which was swept under a rug and ignored and she was told it was just a bad dream….) and she never wanted that to happen to us. There are some women (hetero women at that lol look at that shit there) who get it, they get that males are a threat to females and they take proper actions to protect their daughters. My male cousins and my brothers (dad’s many stray children) were also not permitted near us unsupervised and we never slept over anyone’s house if they had brothers, or fathers, or uncles… actually we just never slept over anyone’s house. lol What the fuck is the big goddamn deal about saying that males rape and that the only way to keep girls/women who cannot protect themselves safe is to keep the little fuckers away from us/them?

      And you’re right. So many women refuse to acknowledge that they have *any* agency whatsoever, unless they’re swinging on a stripper pole. Whenever we’re doing something that supports male supremacy, we have all the “agency” in the world and don’t you dare demean our “choices.” But as soon as we talk about having the agency to exert *female* power, to our own benefit, despite male supremacy, all of a sudden we’re “blaming” victims.

      This is just ridiculous but true. I don’t understand what kind of fuckin’ liberation women get from performing roles prescribed for us by males who think nothing of us. This whole naughty girl obsession that’s swept the nation is so damn gross!

  5. Sarah permalink
    March 18, 2010 11:42 pm

    Orthodox Judaism has a number of rules in place for the specific purpose of preventing rape:

    -A girl over the age of three and a boy over the age of 9 may not be in alone together unless they are related by blood.
    -Men and women who are not married to each other may not touch each other, not even a handshake.
    -In large gatherings such as parties, synagogue, or classes, women and men are separated and not allowed to inter-mingle (this includes married couples and relatives).

    Women are also required to follow modesty laws, are not allowed to behave in a suggestive manner, or sing in front of men.

    Does this actually prevent rape? Absolutely not. What it does do, however, is it makes it so that when rape does happen, there isn’t a way to talk about it. It’s not ‘supposed’ to happen. This also means that men basically are not supposed to be able to control themselves at all, placing all of the burden of preventing rape on the women.

    Rather than controlling access to women, men need to police themselves and each other. Socially it is seen in the general culture as ‘manly’ to get into a woman’s pants, and the whole game of women being the gate keepers and men being the ones with the ‘key’ is extremely flawed. What we as human beings need to work toward is for rape to become a true taboo, not one that is given lip service but actually secretly ok with many people.

    • March 19, 2010 3:58 am

      Sarah, this post is not about keeping men and women from intermingling. This post is about the fact that there’s nothing that can be done about “date” rape.

      Now, there is something that can be done to prevent the rape of women by male employees in institutions like prisons, group homes, schools, and health care facilities (mental and physical). Prevent males from working in those places. And if males are kept out of homes as family members – the nuclear family is, after all, an entirely male supremacist concept – girls wouldn’t be raped by their family members.

      This is not about changing the nature of males. And it’s not about preventing *all* rape. It’s about preventing girls and women from being raped by males who know them, since these are the males currently most likely to rape girls and women.

      What all the misogynist, don’t-let-a-3-year-old-girl-seduce-any-boys Judaism bullshit DOESN’T do is keep that little girl from being indoctrinated into the notion that the males in question are her *family*. THAT is why nobody talks about those rapes.

    • Sarah permalink
      March 19, 2010 4:17 pm

      No, that’s just the thing. Date rape is the one kind of rape that certainly does not happen in the structure of orthodox judaism practiced correctly because dates never take place in private.

      Schools, camps and other organizations meant for women and girls generally have few or no men working there.

      I will STRONGLY agree with you that men should not be working in women’s prisons, since prison is a structure that breed abuse more than any other.

      But regarding males in nuclear families…are you suggesting that if you or I were to have a son, we should send him away? Do we really think that condemning males rather than trying to nurture them (sons) or reach out to them (adults) is the solution? Personally I have encountered a wide spectrum of human males, and not so human males, and I would argue that the vast majority are quite redeemable.

      I still argue that society itself needs to strongly condemn rapists, and to do this it needs to become something people can talk about, and something enough people to understand as abhorrent to change the system around. Preventing access to girls and women by preventing men from holding certain jobs will likely do very little to prevent rape.

    • March 20, 2010 3:18 am

      So, what you’re basically saying is that, yes, “date” rape can be prevented if there aren’t any “dates” to begin with. That was my point – that feminism should focus on scenarios that aren’t so easily prevented. You’re also saying that males shouldn’t be allowed to work in prisons, which would prevent inmates from being raped. You seem to think that there aren’t males working in other environments where there are vulnerable girls and women – like group homes, health care facilities, schools, and camps (which is not true), but you seem to agree that low numbers of male employees in such places is a good idea.

      Yet you persist in believing that males should be “nurtured” and “reach[ed] out” to in families, the most private of all institutions. So, female inmates deserve to be kept out of males’ reach, but daughters, sisters, female cousins, and wives should, what, take one for the team as fodder for the “nurture” and “outreach” of their male relatives?

      This, right here, is exactly the hypocrisy that I’m talking about. Girls and women should be sacrificed for the slim *hope* that *some* male might turn out differently than males have been turning out for centuries. No matter how many girls and women might be raped within the confines of the nuclear family, we’re to believe it’s worth it if even a single son, so far as his mother is aware, grows up to be a non-rapist male. This is the state of mainstream feminism, and I hope everyone reading is taking note.

    • Mary Sunshine permalink
      March 20, 2010 10:01 am

      *** As the crowd roars its approval ***

      This thread is the heart and soul of “equality” feminism vs. radical feminism.

      It isn’t radical until the analysis (and the action) is centered in access. And what males do with that access no matter how well we treat them.

      Margaret, you are my touchstone.

    • March 20, 2010 3:33 pm

      This thread is the heart and soul of “equality” feminism vs. radical feminism.

      YES, YES! It really is! This is an excellent point, Mary.

    • March 21, 2010 9:17 am

      I second this.

    • March 20, 2010 3:50 pm

      But regarding males in nuclear families…are you suggesting that if you or I were to have a son, we should send him away? Do we really think that condemning males rather than trying to nurture them (sons) or reach out to them (adults) is the solution? Personally I have encountered a wide spectrum of human males, and not so human males, and I would argue that the vast majority are quite redeemable.

      As I reflect back on my girl-hood and that of my friends, it is absolutely disgusting how young boys knew about sexual things and rapey things. I remember one little boy in our building creeping out of his door to sneak up on us and whip his nasty lil penis out on us and asked us to show him ours too. He demanded that we show him too because he had shown us his…

      I remember one of my friends screaming bloody murder, another time, because a boy of about 11 told her he wanted to play rape. Yes, you read right he said he wanted to play rape and he grabbed her by her throat and threw her up against the fence and started fondling her. She put her knee to good use, and ran screaming toward me as I was running to her scream. When our mothers confronted his mother she accused us (we were about 7-8) of being horny little sluts who tried to seduce her son! Her son didn’t act that way and our mothers had better keep their slutty daughters in the house before we got what we were asking for. Mind you all we had been doing was playing with sidewalk chalk and bouncing a ball, which went around the side of the house and my friend ran to get it. She was attacked there by horny 11 y/o boy. But we were black, and he was an innocent white boy who didn’t know better, even though he was older than us, bigger than us, and stronger too.

      That said, you and silly women like you who believe that the rest of us should ignore the truth and put ourselves in danger, can be the fuckin bait and can take all the risk in “nurturing” these animals and trying to teach them. Margie is absolutely right, it is misogynist to hold such a belief as it not only puts the responsibility of avoiding rape on women but it also makes women responsible for not training men how to not be fucking rapists/animals. From my earliest memories I have seen boys/men to only be capable of rape no matter how they were raised or how they were told by me, or my friends, to stop. They got in their minds that this is what they wanted to do, and it is backed by this patriarchal culture they’re/we’re raised in that creates a picture that men are to fuck and women are to get fucked.

      Whatever she’s smoking, I want some. I hold no hopes that one day we can all kumbaya and shit over a camp fire! I don’t think the “vast majority can be redeemed” if this were true it would’ve happened a long time ago. It sounds to me like you’re trying to tell women to ignore our experiences and ignore the experiences of other women and keep hope alive that teh menz will one day stop raping!

      I want to echo what Rose said down thread:

      he also has a penis which is a fucking weapon… Never fully trust any man with a penis. Not their father, uncles, teachers … no one.

    • March 21, 2010 9:21 am

      “As I reflect back on my girl-hood and that of my friends, it is absolutely disgusting how young boys knew about sexual things and rapey things. I remember one little boy in our building creeping out of his door to sneak up on us and whip his nasty lil penis out on us and asked us to show him ours too. He demanded that we show him too because he had shown us his…

      I remember one of my friends screaming bloody murder, another time, because a boy of about 11 told her he wanted to play rape. Yes, you read right he said he wanted to play rape and he grabbed her by her throat and threw her up against the fence and started fondling her. She put her knee to good use, and ran screaming toward me as I was running to her scream. When our mothers confronted his mother she accused us (we were about 7-8) of being horny little sluts who tried to seduce her son! ”

      Yes. Words can not express how much I agree with this sentiment. When I was molested as a child it was both men and boys. If I’d been in a single sex school from the beginning, I don’t think it would have happened then, at least.

      “Whatever she’s smoking, I want some. I hold no hopes that one day we can all kumbaya and shit over a camp fire!”

      Haha, I don’t think it’s any good. I think she needs what I’m smoking, cos even with this shit, I can still see through rape apologism, which to me, is exactly what Sarah is saying/doing.

  6. FemmeForever permalink
    March 19, 2010 5:00 am

    Feminist energies should be spent on preventing male access to girls and women who don’t have a choice.

    I agree that women need to stop searching for that non-existent needle in the haystack, the “good man”, and therefore should stop dating because men have nothing to offer them.

    But here’s the problem with abandoning women who choose to date men. Women are indoctrinated from birth that a man is what they should want and in fact that their entire existence and value on earth is about making sure that they will be beautiful/perfect enough to find him. Therefore, most women will never wake up. Other women will wake up, but there is no way to know/predict when that will happen. So I think feminism can’t abandon these women on the basis that they ought to know better. They still deserve protection.

    • March 19, 2010 5:08 am

      But here’s the problem with abandoning women who choose to date men.

      Are you asserting that anyone here has advocated abandoning such women?

      If so, you need to know that not approving of and/or not recommending (and preferring a different future) are not the same as abandoning (in the present).

      I don’t like this literal/to the extreme interpretive language that is so readily bandied about on the internet.

    • March 19, 2010 5:25 am

      Also, what I’m talking about is shifting the focus away from women who are raped by males they *choose* to know, and onto girls and women who are raped by males they have no choice about knowing. Shifting the focus is not “abandoning” anyone. All I’m saying is that these women hog the discourse around rape by males who know their victims, while little girls who are raped by male family members, camp counselors, doctors, nurses, orderlies, etc. get about as much attention from these so-called feminists as the little Jewish girls Sarah was talking about do from their families and religious leaders. I’m not talking about the few cases that actually make the news. I’m talking about little girls and vulnerable adult female patients and inmates being raped ALL THE TIME by males who know them.

      I will say, though, with regard to the “date” rape brigade, that aside from telling such women that all males are rapists, which I do all the time, I’m not sure exactly what can be done for them. You say these women “deserve protection,” but I’m not sure what that protection would entail.

    • March 19, 2010 5:30 am

      When I read “deserve protection” I felt (and this is just my interpretation) that there was this panic that women who love to hang on to men will be de-centered as the main focus. The feminist movement has focused on women who choose men before and it has not worked. For our efforts we have gotten stripper poles and “choice” submission. Women who chose men need to be de-centered.

    • Mary Sunshine permalink
      March 19, 2010 6:29 am

      Kitty: pure gold.

      😀

  7. FemmeForever permalink
    March 19, 2010 5:42 am

    Feminist energies should be spent on preventing male access to girls and women who don’t have a choice.

    I took this statement to mean feminist energies should not be spent or focused on women who can choose not to be in the company of men. That’s the idea I was responding to.

    Anyway, I agree on both points. We should know better and also we are all at risk and need feminism to cover the broad spectrum.

  8. FemmeForever permalink
    March 19, 2010 6:01 am

    The feminist movement has focused on women who choose men before and it has not worked.

    aside from telling such women that all males are rapists, which I do all the time, I’m not sure exactly what can be done for them.

    I don’t have a solution either. At least you still try. I don’t even bother to talk to women about this stuff anymore because they can’t hear reason when it comes to men and I can’t hear man worship so I don’t even go there.

    Quick story. I know a 24 yo who complained daily about her SECOND husband of two years whom she met on the internet. She complained daily how terribly he treated her. When she met him he had the following tattoo on his back “Trust No B*tch”. I tried to give her some palatable wisdom but it was just no use and we both knew it.

  9. March 19, 2010 12:54 pm

    Also, on the abandoning women thing, it should be noted that the actual back-turning that goes on, between radical feminists and/or separatists and/or lesbian radical separatist feminists, is in the direction of male-identified feminists towards non-male identified. The very act of typing words such as the ones in this post results in more than just abandonment by most women though – it always garners attacks, including and especially by white liberal feminists and the males they’re attached to.

    (femmeforever this is not solely in response to you, but in response to a long-standing pattern, fyi)

    Women here are seriously not even allowed to center the female people and experiences and solutions that *they* want to center – not allowed to simply step away and do our/their own thing – without being a) accused of all manner of crimes against humanity and b) held up as examples of who it makes OTHER women a bad person if they even talk to. The grammar of that sentence is off but it’s early in the morning and I can’t sort it out better this second.

    • March 19, 2010 1:19 pm

      Also, on the abandoning women thing, it should be noted that the actual back-turning that goes on, between radical feminists and/or separatists and/or lesbian radical separatist feminists, is in the direction of male-identified feminists towards non-male identified.

      One just has to look at our incoming stats. Most everything come from MRAs sites complaining about us, tyrannies complaining about us, women who point out how great they are and would never do/say/think like we do, racists, and more of the same. (The number is so huge, that one would believe that we set the feminist agenda). We get zero traffic from other “feminist” sites. We have been abandoned by other “feminists” because we refuse to center males and/or women who center males.

  10. March 19, 2010 5:59 pm

    “Do we really think that condemning males rather than trying to nurture them (sons) or reach out to them (adults) is the solution?”

    That is exactly what some of us think.

    “Preventing access to girls and women by preventing men from holding certain jobs will likely do very little to prevent rape.”

    This is demonstrably untrue. It is currently, in fact, the only certain way to prevent males from raping women and girls – lack of access. The fact that being around some males sometimes does not or would not result in those males raping the girls or women they are around – that is conditional, again, on the whim of the particular males. It’s nothing at all to do with preventing the actual possibility of rape.

    And women have been appealing to males’ sense of decency since the beginning of time most likely, and certainly for decades or even centuries on record, also birthing and nurturing and reaching out to males from infancy on up. If this were the magic bullet against rape, we’d not be having any of it anymore.

    No one’s asking you or anyone else to send your newborn males to the town dump for extermination. What I, at least, am on board with is solidarity with those women and girls who do not wish to be accessible to male people at all, who do not wish to birth male babies or hug it out with male adults.

    Currently there are no female people on the planet, to my knowledge, who have the freedom to live completely inaccessibly to males. And as there *are*, currently, millions who are forced to live under conditions of constant, violent accessibility, I say: for those that wish it, separatism should be a fucking birth right, not a fringe-y, constantly-maligned, hand-wringer of a proposition.

    • soulsis permalink
      March 19, 2010 7:21 pm

      (((Joan)))

      *stands claps hands and pumps fist in solidarity*

    • Mary Sunshine permalink
      March 19, 2010 7:49 pm

      What Soulsis said !

      😀 😀 😀

      How could Joan get any more perfect? She just does.

    • pseudoadrienne permalink
      March 19, 2010 9:53 pm

      “And women have been appealing to males’ sense of decency since the beginning of time most likely, and certainly for decades or even centuries on record, also birthing and nurturing and reaching out to males from infancy on up. If this were the magic bullet against rape, we’d not be having any of it anymore.”

      And yet the fun-“feminists”, “empowerful Divas”, and Serena Joys of the world refuse to admit this. Oh, just bat your eyes girls and be fellatio-manchines/broodmares/housewives, and teh Menz will place you on a pedestal (so long as you’re white, bourgeois to upper-class, and Christian), and adore and “protect” you for life. In another words, be the Galatea to men’s inner Pygmalion. Fuck that absolutely gynocidal lie! And girls are indoctrinated with this misogynist superstition from the moment the doctor announces her sex to the world.

    • March 20, 2010 3:23 am

      I’ve always said that the notion that modern women are going to raise the non-rapist sons their mothers/grandmothers/foremothers failed to rear was disgustingly misogynist. It’s a not so round-about way of saying that our female ancestors either raised rapists on purpose or just didn’t try hard enough to change males’ nature, in effect blaming the existence of rapists on women.

    • March 21, 2010 9:22 am

      You are really, too good at life.

  11. FemmeForever permalink
    March 19, 2010 10:18 pm

    BRAVA!!! Joan.

  12. March 19, 2010 11:13 pm

    Thanks for your sweetness, Soulsis and Mary and FemmeForever and Pseudoadrienne.

    In “This Week in Weirdness,” I had occasion to re-read some old comments of mine, in various places (not just here), and I can’t fucking believe that I believed all that shit I used to believe! As little as a year ago! Ick. All of the above is courtesy of the masterful brainwashing of the male baby and grown man killers at AROOO. Thank god it’s still possible to get an education SOMEWHERE.

    • March 20, 2010 3:24 am

      Awww, Joanie Roni 🙂 The pleasure is all mine.

  13. March 20, 2010 2:35 am

    Marge, thank you for this post. Just this week I found out a friend of mine 4 year daughter was molested by a 13 year old relative. The little girl apparently told a family member that “soandso” put his pee-pee in her mouth when he came to visit. My heart breaks for this little girl.And the only question I had was “How did this boy get ACCESS TO THIS 4 YEAR GIRL??????
    A penis is a fucking weapon… and I AM a mother of 3 sons! My youngest is 5 and I can tell you, I never allow the older teen boys to bathe him, sleep in the same bed with him, see him naked, sit on their laps, babysit, wrestle or any interaction that involve more than a hug. Do I think my older sons will rape him? In my heart no ,but in my mind I know it can happen because they have a fucking penis and a penis is a weapon. Might sound harsh to some but my job is to protect my kids even from each other. I was the same way when the older boys were younger… no staying over friends house were there are older boys or men. No staying over my brother’s house( my brother loves them and in my heart I know he would not hurt them, but he also has a penis which is a fucking weapon. Only female doctors. Never fully trust any man with a penis. Not their father, uncles, teachers … no one.

    I cannot even fathom how vigilant I would have been if my children were females.

    • March 20, 2010 3:30 am

      Rose, that is truly, truly terrible. I hope that the girl’s mother will rethink her permissiveness as it is her only hope that this episode is not repeated (by one of her relatives). And I wish there were something more I could say to express just how heartbroken I am.

      I am also glad you commented, though. It shows that not all mothers of sons have to shut out reason.

    • March 21, 2010 9:24 am

      Rose, that is hideous news. 😦 My heart goes out to the girl and her mother. Like Margaret said, words can just not express.

      “A penis is a fucking weapon”

      This is too true.

  14. kate permalink
    March 20, 2010 1:25 pm

    i really dont think mothers/caretakers of girls have the right to inflict the presence of males onto girls, including their fathers/sperm donars. likewise ‘feminist’ who argue in favour of bringing boy children into wimmin spaces are overlooking/dismissing the safety of girl children who also need respite from unsafe environments.

    • March 20, 2010 3:19 pm

      Great point Kate! I remember always being upset to see this as a young girl and also remember my mother complaining that the girls bathroom had little boys in it. It bothered me because we were taught to never go into the boys room and to always report if we saw thim in the girls room. It bothered her because it was unsafe for lil girls and “why couldn’t the damn fathers take the boys to the bathroom?!” Is what she would always say. I remember feeling assaulted and offended by their presence and the brazen ignorance of mothers who would leave the stalls opened or change male baby diapers in the presence of little girls. Mothers of sons tend to feel entitled in that way.

  15. Level Best permalink
    March 22, 2010 2:01 pm

    “Feminist energies should be spent on preventing male access to girls and women who don’t have a choice.”–Margaret

    “[F]or those that wish it, separatism should be a…birth right.”–Joan

    “[A] penis is a weapon.”–Rose

    And I really could have quoted nearly everyone. I love you all for understanding who is vulnerable, who is perpetrating, and how to diminish the damage on women and girls.

  16. March 25, 2010 5:08 am

    There’s a nice country house just 20 miles away from my grandchildren that I want to buy. Can I please, please, have a dollar for every asshole rapist who has come here today, yesterday, and the day before yesterday claiming he is not a rapist. As if we will take his word for it. How many rapists ever say they are rapists?

    Just a dollar per each one.

    • March 25, 2010 5:55 am

      As Joan said in a recent post, they generally just say they were “getting laid” when they raped a girl or woman.

      Can I have a dollar for every comment alerting me to my “misandry,” as if I didn’t already state in plain language on the about page that I hate males?

  17. March 25, 2010 5:29 pm

    and could I win the lottery so I could *give* you a dollar for every time it makes me laugh when idiots think they can “gotcha!” you about something you openly admit, hating males? People’s own views about man-hatin’ aside, I don’t understand why everybody else doesn’t find that kind of foolishness hilarious.

    • March 25, 2010 5:46 pm

      It reveals the inability to let go of male supremacy. Of course, they think they managed a “gotcha!,” because they cannot imagine a world in which a woman is not desirous of a man’s good opinion. It is crazy-talk not to strive for a man’s good opinion. So, they cannot help but to think they are shaming a woman who is not in pursuit of a good opinion from a man. They don’t want that “disease” to spread.

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