Easter Sunday and Going to Church
In a local newspaper there is an article discussing how pastors find Easter to be the golden opportunity to lure all the lambs back to the fold. Or perhaps pick up some new mutton along the way. I suppose one just has to cover up or erase the old branding and voila, the lamb becomes part of the new flock. It would take more than the thought of abandoning my Cadbury eggs and Dove dark chocolate to lure me into church. There is no longer any pizzazz in church. None. Nowadays, people go to church wearing the same shit they wear to the beach. What is the point of getting up Sunday morning and looking like you just rolled out of bed? Who needs a repeat of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday? If I am going to fuck up my Sundays it will be at least a reason to wear the outrageous pastel colored hat and veil I just had to have to max out my visa when I walked through J C Penney’s a few years ago.
Besides, new car sales are down. Everyone knows you cannot go to church unless your car is new and if old, freshly cleaned and polished. Nowadays, there is garage parking or shuttling to faraway parking lots. No longer are the days when you linger on the church front steps waiting for your son to bring the car around. It has to be your son. Your eleven-year-old son. By the time, he almost hits several people and slams on the brakes after pounding the accelerator you will have a good and dense audience to ooooh and ahhh over your new car. Even if that car is really your aunties that you borrowed. No need to explain what happened to it next Easter. Time affords millions of plausible excuses.
If you take away the fashion show and the pretentiousness of successful upward mobility, what is left? Listening to some pathetic man who uses his position in the church to sleep with as many people as possible (and the church’s coin to buy shiny suits) while he employs untrained pantomime and screeches a few lines out of a droll book that can be summed up as fanfic gone wild.
I will stick with chocolate bunnies and coloring boiled eggs and hiding them in grass where my dog pisses.