“Who Loves Ya, Baby?”
Sugar Factory’s ads claim that Kim Kardashian, Britney Spears and the Pussy Cat Dolls all like sugar in the form of couture lollipops. Suggesting to me, or at least to young women who are fuckably pleasing to men (or feel like they need to be fuckably pleasing) should buy one of their 12 to 22 dollar lollipops to demonstrate their love for sucking dick sugar as well. Just sucking dick in the privacy of your own home is no longer sufficient. Big business must reap the monetary rewards from those blowjobs. Now, you must walk around sucking a lollipop so you can remind men how much you would love to suck his dick. And while you are at it, you must pay for the pleasure. Talk about empowerment. Not only are you empowered by sucking a man’s dick, you are empowered by forking over your hard earned cash to demonstrate to the world how you find it empowering to suck dick. Can’t nobody tell you anything girlfriend.
Do no men like lollipops? Why aren’t there men sucking on lollipops in the Sugar Factory ads?
When I was a kid the only person I could tell you who sucked on lollipops was detective Kojak. I didn’t find it appealing. I could only imagine how his teeth must hurt. Actually, that is projection. It would have been my teeth hurting because my teeth was loaded with cavities and sugar only exacerbated the pain. There were the loop-handled lollipops that handles broke off when they got too soggy that one would occasionally get from the doctor’s office. I say occasionally because it did not seem to be a guarantee. But those lollipops were more like suckers I think. I would have to study the nuanced differences between suckers and lollipops. Nope, I am bored already.
Nevertheless, when I was a newer teenager a group of us pulled our pennies together and bought a bouquet of Blow Pops. What a name, eh? Supposedly, it was a Blow Pop because it had gum in the center, thereby affording one the opportunity to blow bubbles when the candy covering was gone. We were all happily sucking on our Blow Pops when one of the girls, Olivia, nicknamed Monkey by her dad, was called to their front door by her mother after her father drove passed us on his way home from work and had went inside the house. Next thing we saw, Olivia was being slapped up aside her head and the Blow Pop was thrown out in the yard and the mother barked some words of wisdom at us but I didn’t catch any meaning. Only one girl, an older girl expressed an understanding. She went home and left the rest of us to our juvenile sucking.
Then when I was in the military, a young woman accused another man of rape. Or I should say forcible sodomy. The charge was that while they were on roving watch together he made her suck his nasty dick. The story had layers. There was an HPV scare. All three were different races.The boyfriend was a jealous lunatic who shadowed her without her knowledge. Apparently, everyone else but her knew that he followed her around. I knew nothing, I was still stuck in the cloud of meritocracy is my friend and it happened only about five hundred yards from where I was working that night. I waved to them when they went by. While she and the man she was on roving watch with walked around checking things and observing crap (that is checked like a billion times an hour in the military), she was sucking on a lollipop.
During the court marital, the soon to be convicted rapist claimed that his victim was coming on to him because what else did it mean for her to be sucking on that lollipop at night, in the dark while they roamed empty warehouses and sleepy corridors together. I thought it meant poor military bearing, the way smoking in uniform while you walk means the same, but is informally allowed because everyone empathizes with how super crappy it is to be on watch between midnight and 4:00 am. Most everyone else said she did it willingly and only claimed rape when the stalking boyfriend said if she did not report the guy he would.
So all those words to tell you, it is a win-win for men. Women are sold empowerment in the form of sucking dick. “It is not that he is making you suck his dick, it is you wanting to suck his dick.” Other women cannot warn those women without suffering the dreaded accusation, SLUT SHAMING, SLUT SHAMING!” Since when is enlightening others about what is really going on slut shaming? Not only are women tricked into believing they enjoy sucking dick, they are now tricked into buying things that promote sucking dick because we all know that there is nothing worse that not looking consensually fuckable.
I am sure the defense will be, “Get your mind out of the gutter, it is just candy.” Right.