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Sandra Rose, Abducted by Aliens?

August 19, 2010

If this were merely homophobic claptrap aimed at males, I would leave it to male homosexuals to defend themselves. However, I can see nothing but pure internalized misogyny and it feels so wretched that I must attempt something for sangfroid sake.

Sandra Rose has written a very short commentary (photo included) about two black men photographed while exhibiting a bit of tenderness on the subway (or some sort of transportation available in Atlanta, Georgia). What Sandra Rose says is so absurd that I will not be surprise if in a few days she claims aliens had abducted her, and while in captivity those aliens thought it would be a hoot to write an incredibly baffling post on her blog.

Yes, I agree there is a problem for heterosexual women when it comes to down-low men. Although I am sure a fraction of that problem is pressure from society to be heterosexual, I believe the majority of that problem is due to men wanting to do whatever they want to do, such as men wanting to live heterosexual lifestyles while secretly fucking men. Because of male entitlement, women who are conditioned and desire to partner with men do risk bearing the aftermath of whatever disease (and drama) said male brings home, be it from a heterosexual or homosexual tryst.

To begin with, I don’t understand how Sandra Rose has concluded these men are thugs. Is she judging by their matter of dress? In defense of homosexual men (and this really kills me, because homosexual men don’t exactly have a history of defending women who are wrongly labeled), it may very well be a defense mode of dress for public consumption. Or, they probably just like the clothes they are wearing. Are male homosexuals required to dress stereotypically homosexual? An aside, I always find it funny when thugs, murderers, gang members, bank robbers, etc use public transportation.

Nevertheless, the meat of her blather is the internalized misogyny.

Over the past 4 decades, black women have decided to go it alone with their kids rather than be subservient to black men like their mothers and aunts were back in the days when black men were the majority head of households.

I am not quite sure heterosexual black women have decided to go it alone with their kids as much as men have decided for them, –along with our social system which affords women and children less than little if a male is known to be present. This of course is a completely different issue than those women deciding to be subservient or not to men. A woman cannot decide to be subservient or not if he does not remain in the household. The problem with Rose’s assertion is, it implies it is a woman’s fault when a male abandons and/or refuses responsibility.

Next Rose blames women for the blurring of male heterosexual and homosexual markers/signifiers.

It’s become nearly impossible to distinguish heterosexual men from down low thugs due to the proliferation of female-led households in the black community.

What does a female-led household have to do with a male telling someone upfront he is gay or not?

And finally this gem:

As more and more black women switch roles and responsibilities with men, more and more fatherless men are turning to other men for the strength and guidance they are missing in their lives.

Rose seems to blame anything and everything she considers unfavorable on women, particularly single women with children. How fucked up is this patriarchal world when a woman hates other women just as much as some men? Actually, I think at the root of all homophobia is misogyny.

  1. August 19, 2010 8:35 pm

    A lot of people read Rose everyday.

  2. August 20, 2010 6:50 pm

    Sandra’s way of thinking is very common in our Black/Latino communities.I constantly hear Black/ Latino men( many of questionable sexuality) telling me how women should behave and how as one dood put it ” evil feminism has ruined the minds of Black Men”.
    It is always Our Fault especially Black W omen’s Fault. Which is not surprising, but what does surprise me is how many Black and Women of color co-sign that shit!

    No One likes to talk about how Black/ Latino men refuse to take responsibility for their own behaviors or in the raising of their children.

    Kids bad= mom fault for raising them alone.
    Dad not there= woman’s fault for making him leave.
    He’s a dead beat= mom’s fault for having his baby. She get’s beaten= her own damn fault.
    She doesn’t work= gold digger or looking for a” man” to take care of her.
    She works and has her own money= she thinks she too” good” for a man.
    When is it ever the man’s fault??????

    • August 20, 2010 7:01 pm

      For real. I don’t remember all the details of the story, but do you remember when an 11 year old black girl was gang raped and there were women on a porch talking about how she knew what she was doing. There is such a hatred for women, it just seems more painful when that hatred is coming from women. I mean, by now, I expect it from men.

    • Mary Sunshine permalink
      August 23, 2010 10:20 pm

      Kitty, yeah, I remember that one. Totally scary.

  3. Bluefig permalink
    August 23, 2010 7:56 pm

    “Actually, I think at the root of all homophobia is misogyny.”

    Yes, I have been thinking this for years. Homosexuality blurs gender roles, since men and women are defined as different, as Andrea Dworkin said in Intercourse, by the laws that state men fuck and women are the ones fucked, so fucking a man is a violation of his nature. I just finished reading that book today.

  4. August 24, 2010 5:03 am

    I don’t know. I feel like it’s a misconception that it’s only or even mostly black/Latina/nonwhite women who hold these sorts of beliefs. Certainly white women also think this way, although it’s generally poor/uneducated white women, whereas you can often hear these things from more class-privileged nonwhite women. I think that difference can be accounted for in the fact that black women in particular are more likely to be considered undesirable by males, or unable to get a man, *because* of their race, whereas white women are not considered unattractive solely because of their race. White women may be considered unattractive due to their individual physical/facial features, personality, class, etc., but black women, in addition to being considered unattractive for those reasons are *also* demonized as unattractive for their blackness. And I mean to males in general, of all races. Therefore, black women are more likely to demonstrate a desperation to seem pleasing to males that you don’t necessarily see in white/whitened women.

    All of it is problematic, though. I mean, I certainly don’t look to make excuses for women whose sole purpose in life is to get male attention. I just mean to point out that for women who make a distinction between “positive” and negative male attention, some women are more likely to get the “positive” attention than some other women, and those who are more likely to get the “positive” attention (dates paid for by males *before* sexual intercourse or ever really, marriage proposals, financial support that allows a woman to abstain from the paying workforce, etc.) aren’t going to be as desperate to demonstrate their worthiness. For women who don’t make a distinction between “positive” and negative male attention, these are all moot points. But it’s just about impossible to convince a woman who does make such a distinction to see the truth of the matter when a) she doesn’t know first-hand because she’s never gotten the “positive” attention and she’s been told it’s because of her race/fat/facial features/height/class/etc. and b) she understands that the “positive” attention is indeed a privilege over the negative attention. It’s easier to accept that a privilege isn’t worth indebtedness to one’s oppressors when one has actually been in a position to enjoy and renounce that privilege than it is when one has only ever been in a position to watch others enjoy that privilege at her expense.

    • August 24, 2010 3:38 pm

      I feel like it’s a misconception that it’s only or even mostly black/Latina/nonwhite women who hold these sorts of beliefs.

      I too think it is a misconception if one believes it is only or even mostly blacks/Latina/nonwhite women. One only has to look at the race of the women holding up signs next to Fred Phelp (the guy who protest soldiers funerals because there are gays in the military) or the race of the women fighting same sex women. In this writing, I focused on Sandra Rose’s community, which seems to be predominately black. However, I forget about the silent audience that watches the black community and wait to pounce on little things here and there to justify whatever conclusions they (the silent audience) want to make.

      It’s easier to accept that a privilege isn’t worth indebtedness to one’s oppressors when one has actually been in a position to enjoy and renounce that privilege than it is when one has only ever been in a position to watch others enjoy that privilege at her expense.

      Something about the above quote makes me think of why some women are so willing to accept MTFs as women. They are so desperate for men to accept them that they are willing to believe delusions. The sad thing about it is, those men, the MTFs won’t stop at those women. The MTFs won’t feel they have arrived until they can convince the women who never had a problem with men preferring them over women.

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