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Contemplating Suicide

October 19, 2010

Earlier today, CNN was sensationalizing a Kanye West revelation. Apparently, once upon a time he contemplated suicide. All the typical oohs and ahhhs accompanied by the standard, “He is so brave for facing his demons” rolled off the tongues of the talking heads.

I have to ask wonderingly, what is so revolutionary and/or revealing about admitting that one has contemplated suicide? I have contemplated suicide millions of time, maybe even every day of my life. A fact I could confirm if I was able to catch and manage every millisecond blip of thought that transpires throughout the course of a day.

To me, the people who should be gawked at are the people who claim to never have contemplated suicide. Honestly, what is wrong with those people? Are they not paying attention? If a person has never contemplated suicide, I have to wonder what mega-plane of obliviousness and superficiality they are operating on. It must be extremely dangerous, as in, one small scratch and it’s over.

Do you think it is shocking to admit that one has thought of suicide?

  1. Mary Sunshine permalink
    October 19, 2010 11:41 pm


    😀 ……. I thought I was the only one who had contemplated suicide every day of my life since I was a kid.

    My screen name is just a futile effort to contradict that fact.

    • October 19, 2010 11:45 pm

      LOL! I don’t remember the thoughts when I was a kid, I do remember wishing I could just disappear, which means what really, however, as long as I can remember being an adult, the thought has always been there. It is an old friend. Yet, I refuse to accept any image of myself other than that of a ray of sunshine. Some days are just shinier than others. 🙂

  2. October 20, 2010 2:03 am

    Not to mention, to think about it is very different to actually try it.

    and succeeding at it is very different to trying it.

    • October 20, 2010 2:21 am

      I agree. And even making those distinctions, I wouldn’t necessarily say that a person who’d never ever contemplated suicide was more sane than one who had tried or succeeded. It really is just the people who’ve never given even a passing thought to it that seem a bit off to me.

    • October 20, 2010 2:24 am

      Exactly, but who is shamed for admitting it? It is as if we are a sick society that want people to fester. Why make a big deal out of a thought that many sane people do in fact have often. What is the purpose of the big deal?

  3. October 20, 2010 2:35 am

    yes, i agree, there is something slightly off about having not thought about suicide. In my life the *only* person who springs to mind is my mum, who honestly believes she’s never experienced discrimination as a woman, which is just. Ah.

    Maybe to convince people how woefully inadequate their lives are to ply them into the world of psychiatry and anti depressants? There’s big bucks in that. Or simply to just squash whatever hope most people had left?

  4. October 20, 2010 2:57 am

    And you know, it is another one of those better than maneuver. “Oh, I would never think about killing myself, I am better than that.” Which translates to, “I am better than you since you admit to contemplating suicide.” And if I do commit suicide my method will be better than yours.

    “Ah, what I have been through! But do get in…. Ah, what I have been through!” she repeated, when Sergey Ivanovitch had got in and sat down beside her. “You can’t conceive it! For six weeks he did not speak to anyone, and would not touch food except when I implored him. And not for one minute could we leave him alone. We took away everything he could have used against himself. We lived on the ground floor, but there was no reckoning on anything. You know, of course, that he had shot himself once already on her account,” she said, and the old lady’s eyelashes twitched at the recollection. “Yes, hers was the fitting end for such a woman. Even the death she chose was low and vulgar.”

  5. October 20, 2010 3:32 am

    Oy, Kitty, to that quote in your last comment.

    And yeah, I am weirded out by anyone NEVER having thoughts of suicide. I mean if for no other reason than – don’t people ever think about the fact that we’re all going to die, and doesn’t the outside-your-control-ness of that ever make you have an urge to exert control by deciding for yourself when it happens? I mean, you never even feel that *urge*, aside from what you do or don’t act on? I don’t get it.

  6. dirt permalink
    October 20, 2010 3:36 pm

    In the words of anne sexton “but suicides have a special language/like carpenters/they want to know which tools/they never ask/why build”


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