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Dental Ploys

November 1, 2010

Since it is after Halloween and the children are loaded with treats, the local news channels are running “feel good” stories. No one can ever say the media refuses to promote capitalism disguised as sentimental magnanimity. One such example is how kind and generous the dentists are being with their donate candy campaign (Just google “dentists buy back candy” and you can find tons of stories). Let me get this right. Dentists who make money from cavities are paying children for their candy in order to save those children from getting cavities? Something if those kids did not get would only leave the dentists with income from two prophylactic visits a year (if the children were insured). I call bullshit on that! Dentists don’t care if children get cavities. They have found a way to appear benevolent while gaining a tax deduction.

To take it to the next step supposedly the candy the dentists buy back will be donated to the troops. LOL! Everyone is donating everything to the troops. The cry, “THINK OF THE CHILDREN” has turned into “THINK OF THE TROOPS!” So now the troops are to get cavities. Or are we to assume that they are adults and will brush responsibly. Troops brush after every ambush, immediately after all the sand is cleaned out of their M-16s (About as boring of a chore as polishing one’s boots). If the troops don’t brush, so what. Uncle Sam can pay for the troops’ dental work. (Do you know how difficult it is to recruit a decent dentist for the military?)

Although the news articles quoting the dentists do not say it, a local journalist added that the troops could use the candy as a public relations tool. Each solider/marine will keep pockets full of candy and when local children come around the soldiers/marines can give it away. (Isn’t it a common trope that child molesters lure children with candy?) Then the children of the country that we are invading can get cavities. Who cares if those children get cavities, at least our children will have less cavities. Problems are always better for us when those problems are elsewhere. Then again, when those war-torn kiddies get cavities,  a group of benevolent dentists can get together, sort of like Doctors Without Borders and go over to those countries and save the children from their cavities. Americans are so thoughtful.

  1. November 1, 2010 11:43 pm

    I love how there is fruit in a bowl to the right of all that candy. LOL!

  2. November 2, 2010 3:42 am

    Haha, I’m glad I wasn’t the only one to notice the fruit bowl.

    Oh yeah, the troops need diabetes to go with that ptsd they’ll be bringing home. sweet.

  3. Liberate-her permalink
    November 2, 2010 5:01 pm

    Lol, this is so funny/sad. It’s so true. Look at how magnanimous we are! Western society is totally not a blight on humanity as we know it–we’re just so magnanimous!

  4. joankelly6000 permalink
    November 3, 2010 10:54 pm

    This is a good post and I’m distracted by wishing someone would airlift me some Pixie Stix when they have a minute.

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