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Scapegoats, Part II

January 3, 2011

In my first post about scapegoats, I talked about triggering in the psychological sense, and the way that feelings or behavior patterns which are actually caused by past trauma can be evoked by, and are often erroneously blamed on, present-day interactions with women.

Well, it’s been brought to my attention recently that women have the same impulse with regard to the triggering or exacerbation of chronic or recurring health problems.  I have to say, as someone who suffers from a genetic joint disorder, that the concept of blaming other women for triggering or exacerbating my symptoms never really occurred to me.  I’ve always held the belief that I am responsible for controlling my symptoms insofar as I am able to do that, whether medicinally or just by avoiding situations that are likely to aggravate my condition.  If a friend of mine wants to go for a walk, and I agree to go, I don’t then blame her later on for my stiff and swollen joints.  Eating certain things can make the joints in my hands, wrists, feet, and ankles ache, but if I agree to eat something a friend has offered, I take responsibility for any discomfort I feel later on.

And I think the same would go for any kind of condition that might be triggered or exacerbated by stress.  If any given encounter or situation is too stressful or might affect one’s health, it is the responsibility of the woman suffering the condition to know her own limitations and to abide by them.  I think that is especially true when there is the option of withdrawing, and even more especially true when an offer has been made to just let sleeping dogs lie.  I’m not talking about a woman not being able to get away from a work situation that causes her undue stress, here.  I’m talking about women who beat dead horses into the ground, yet insist on blaming others for whatever strain that puts on their health.

It is so easy to blame women.  I just wish we weren’t all so willing to take the easy route.

  1. January 3, 2011 7:20 am

    Remember the time I said I noticed a pattern of women on the net removing themselves from conversations in which they stepped in it by saying their health was suffering? You can almost set your clock to it.

  2. January 3, 2011 7:51 am

    Better they remove themselves than that they keep pressing the issue only to complain about how it’s affecting their health. But, yes, most often the health-jeopardizing episode is of their own making, so it’s not even a matter of stepping away from something they had no part in starting up. And when women are stepping away from something that doesn’t really involve them – just stepping away as witnesses – they do so without making an announcement about how they’re suffering physically.

    • January 3, 2011 7:57 am

      Yeah, I’m talking about when they started the conversation, or I should say not conversation but swipe. A swipe is expressed and when it is picked up on and confronted, then suddenly they are in pain. All I can do is roll my eyes.

    • January 3, 2011 8:47 am

      Oh, I know. I was just saying that women who haven’t started stuff aren’t the ones who make big announcements about how the issue is now affecting their health. They just excuse themselves.

      And, yes, I roll my eyes too.

  3. January 3, 2011 8:13 am

    a lady i’m acquainted with on the internets posted a blog where she explains why i don’t like johns and think the mofos should all die miserably. she did this post to appeal to people who think i’m crazy and hate me and thought that including the fact that two of my close family members were prostituted would be a great way to do that.

    i got a little aggro about that cuz ya know, my personal life tragedies are kinda MINE to tell and she got all triggered on me, sent me some fucked up messages, blocked me yet kept sending me these childish messages about how i had talked about this a long time ago and it had touched her and how dare i say she was trying to appeal to misogynists, and that i was the one who was “triggered”.

    goddamn. i haz the ptsd but i also haz the lack of patience for people who pull the ol i’m gonna fuck with you and then bail like a coward cuz i’m so emotional routine.

    the point is: male identified wimminz can GTFO.

  4. January 3, 2011 8:48 am

    goddamn. i haz the ptsd but i also haz the lack of patience for people who pull the ol i’m gonna fuck with you and then bail like a coward cuz i’m so emotional routine.

    Yeah, no kidding. It really is ridiculous.

  5. January 3, 2011 12:03 pm

    Well, speaking as someone who is always complaining about my ailments, lol! I just want to say we are adult women, we are looking after ourselves to the best of our abilities, and if something makes us ill, then it’s our responsibility to decide how to handle that situation, ourselves, knowing that it’s our choice how to do that, and not trying to emotionally manipulate and guilt-trip other women about it. Is there any reason why you can’t just say, for the sake of my own health, I’m going to walk away from this situation, and decide whether to come back to it later when I have more energy to deal with it? This situation triggers me (!) into reliving the past with my mother, actually, such a fucking martyr she was and sometimes still is, always doing things that no one wanted her to do, then being upset and resenting all the things she did, feeling terrible and unwell, and blaming everyone around her for making her feel so terrible, when in fact no one had ever asked or wanted her to do those things in the first place, and had in fact clearly told her NOT to do those things on their behalf. It’s manipulative behaviour and frankly I find it unbecoming in anyone, let alone a supposedly intelligent, adult woman.

    • January 3, 2011 11:27 pm

      Oh, wow, your mom’s martyr shtick is exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. It *is* manipulative. And the worst part is the lie that whatever it is they’ve done that they’re now resenting was actually ever done on someone else’s behalf and not their own. I feel like I could take these sorts of women better if they would only admit that they do these things for their own benefit and then get upset when they don’t get the reaction they desired.

  6. Mary Sunshine permalink
    January 3, 2011 12:04 pm

    Women who withdraw from a shit-fight because our PTSD has gone out of control often, if not usually, do so without making that announcement.

    Think about it. Interactions have become way unmanageable for you because of loss of essential functionality. So you toss *another* interaction in there, to the effect of the former statement, to *prolong* the agony? Only if it was a bluff to start with, and /or you’re trying to score points.

    • January 3, 2011 11:32 pm

      Exactly, Mary. And I imagine the same would be true of women whose fibromyalgia or whatever starts acting up – that they’d either just withdraw from the conversation or they might say something like TBL said, that they would have to take a break from it all until they were feeling better. I don’t imagine any mature adult woman would actually moan about how her chronic illness was flaring up only to demonstrate that she was going to keep pressing the issue anyway in order to get to the bottom of it all “for somebody else’s sake.” That just really is too much.

    • January 4, 2011 6:18 am

      “Women who withdraw from a shit-fight because our PTSD has gone out of control often, if not usually, do so without making that announcement.”

      Seriously. When shit gets to bad, I just bail. I don’t want people who are really fucking with me to know they have that power.

  7. soulsis permalink
    January 3, 2011 4:30 pm

    I just wanted to say that I hear what everyone is saying here and I promise, the next time I attack someone and bring up shit that will cause folks to hold my feet to the fire, that I will not run off my mouth about my health issues and how the fight I started and the attack I lead is impacting it.


    But for serious though, this is right up there with feigning hurt feelings as being more important than what one did that caused someone to be upset with you and “hurt” your “feelings” (read:pride/ego).

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