On Not Being a Martyr
If you are a woman without very much yourself and you try to help another woman who is entangled in an abusive relationship, you really cannot do anything for her until she leaves him, –and stays away from him, 100% away from him. There can be no attempts at reconciling her “wishes” with her reality. For example, she cannot afford to wish that they could just be a happy couple. By this point, all room for fantasy has been depleted.
It is obvious that he (the abuser) wants his victim to be isolated, and isolated is what happens. It happens because people around her, even though they know she is being abused, can only take so much mentally themselves. Eventually the helper has to detach. The helper cannot keep throwing money at her, especially money that is hard to come by, if she does not use it to stay away from him.
Although this makes the victim more isolated, what can a helper do?
However, I am sure women who have not helped enough will use my words as excuse not to help. There has to be honest self-assessment combined with self-preservation.