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The Dog Days of Summer- Just Like a Christmas Letter Gone Wrong

July 8, 2011

My daughter is currently pouting because the parrot that lives next door, and around here that means three to five feet from where one lives, is saying what she believes to be “SpongeBob.” I always holler out “SpongeBob” whenever I hear the parrot squawking, but I don’t believe it has picked up that word. Instead, I believe the parrot is saying “Ropa.” My daughter wants the parrot to say the word of her choice.

That cage is simply not big enough; actually, unless it has a least ¼ of an acre fenced in, I would not be satisfied with any cage size. If I was a rat-fink I would call the SPCA or something because I did look up owning parrots and it specifically states that there needs to be a few hours each day of human interaction and allowing the parrot out of the cage. This poor parrot is closed off in a detached (from the house) out building all night and then the cage is pulled out for a few hours each day. One day it was shut in all the way until 6:00 PM. These particular neighbors are disgusting with all of their possessions. There is so much crap in the garage that the cars (giant SUVs) have to be parked on the street and a big ass boat takes the one space in the driveway. Who rents a house and buys a boat, a big-big (used how celebrities use really-really) boat. Nevertheless, none of that is any of my business.

The week after next, the girl will be going to day camp. She will then have a reason to stay on schedule, unlike now, in that she seems to be staying up all night and sleeping all day. Bothering my sleep of course by informing me each time she goes down stairs or waking me in order to stay awake while she runs downstairs.

Braces are in her future. I laughed right in the Orthodontist’s face when she/he asked if I was considering Invisalign over traditional braces. HA HA HA HA! As if I am going to willingly take on another thing that I have to follow through with her and pay twice as much to do so.

Did you do your homework?
Did you brush your teeth?
Did you wash your face?
Did you do your SAT words today?
Did you put your shoes away?
Did you take your socks out of your shoes?
Did you listen to public radio?
Did you wipe the water off your ice skate blades?
Did you ask your teacher if you could do extra credit?
Did you walk the dog?
Did you give the dog fresh water?
Did you pour the old water into my Ivy?
Did you put your folded clothes away?
Did you go through your sock drawer?
Have you found those pants you want mended?
Have you called your sister?
Did you write your birthday gifts thank you notes yet?
Have you called your grandmother?
Did you get that lip balm out of the car door before it melted?
Did you close the garage door?
Did you get your phone out of your bicycle’s basket?
How much water have you had today?
Will you eat the orange and banana if I cut it up and throw in some pecans?
ARE YOU WEARING YOUR INVISALIGN?

No thanks!

It is official; I am now on the board of directors of a wonderful non-profit. Each time I tell that to someone I feel like the dissolute Sir Felix Carbury when he announces to his mother and sister that he is officially on the Board of Directors of the South Central Pacific and Mexican Railway. The scoffs are deafening.

4 Comments
  1. July 8, 2011 6:56 pm

    She will be happy with traditional braces. I think it was the dentist pushing them. One dentist was annoyed when I asked why so many children are having to get a second set of braces. He gave me some bullshit reason, but, to me, it is because they got the first set too damn early. Braces in third grade is too early. What ever happened to the line that the child’s bone structure needed to form first?

    Poor thing, I know those braces were painful. Sorry.

    LOL! I threw in the public radio comment just for your close reading eyes. I heard it today when Squidward, in an attempt to show how smart he is, told Plankton, “I know what your evil plan is, I listen to Public Radio!” LMAO!

  2. la redactora permalink
    July 8, 2011 8:27 pm

    “but, to me, it is because they got the first set too damn early”
    Yes, that is why, and that is why my orthodontist put mine off for so long. They double and triple checked with x-rays (of my hands) for a few years until they were sure I had stopped growing.

    “Poor thing, I know those braces were painful. Sorry. ”
    It’s all good. I turned out just fine (poker face). I’m joking, it really was not that bad. It sounds like your daughter is a trooper (and not getting an expander!), anyway.

    “LMAO!” Indeed. Though never mistake me for a close reader! I am a professional skimmer. I know, the shame, the shame, and all that. But true. And that is definitely a public radio type comment. Sometimes there is good programming, but I swear to god 90 percent of it is “local resident Miffy and her darling sons recently explored being herbalists in Colorado. Tell us all about it Miffy.”

  3. Mary Sunshine permalink
    July 8, 2011 8:29 pm

    My daughter got her braces when she was 16. She had to get two of her teeth removed first. Poor precious girl. She had never experienced such physical pain in her life,and she has not since. I can still hardly bear to remember it. She *wanted* to get braces, asked for them. That’s why I took her. I had no idea that they have to extract teeth to be able to draw all the others in. Obviously, I never had braces.

    • July 8, 2011 8:37 pm

      They remove teeth if the problem is crowding. My oldest daughter’s problem wasn’t crowding but gaps, which is another problem just as bad. She asked for them as well and I couldn’t afford them. She promised me if she got them she would never complain (cry for no good reason because she was and still is very beautiful) about her looks again. I told her I was going to hold her to that promise. She broke her promise.

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