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August 1, 2017

Let me tell you bastards who read this blog about yourselves.  Of course, I’m not certain who reads here.  I suspect it’s a combination of some type of feminist/social-justice-warrior, transgender (for lack of a better word), and/or family who is dealing with the transgender trend.

To the type of feminist/social-justice-warrior out there, I realize there is not much substance on the internet to read.  When something is label “feminist,” it is usually complete bullshit, such as that horrible article coercing women into accepting and claiming to enjoy anal sex.  You see the bullshit for what it is and you crave to read straight dope.  I get that.   I get that you come here and poach our thoughts without ever giving a shit who writes or has written here.  You can sum up this body of work however you want, and it will not change my mind that the one thing AROOO did accomplish in its writing is showing others that there is nothing to fear when expressing and exploring ideals and thoughts that have traditionally remained unspoken.

I can go months here at AROOO and not post a thing, and still get 100-300 hits a day.  And those are not googlebots either. They are hits from people all over the world. When I publish something it goes up to 1000 -1200 hits that day.  Yet, I get crickets.

As I purge through my house in order to leave an abusive marriage (while I’m scared to death and re-traumatized daily by the attorneys and the court system and the threat of homelessness), I have come across at least three letters/cards from women on the internet that I’ve helped.  No, at the time I did not ever expect to be repaid.  I was going through school and had extra money left over from my student loans and women expressed a need and I gave as much as I gave.  In all, I’ve probably contributed at least fifteen different times in the last ten years.  Call me a fool.  Yes, I’ve been a fool, because most people don’t give a damn, they just want to take from you (poach thoughts) and not bother to listen to your sad story when it’s your turn.  I get that now.


Throughout my tenure here at AROOO (on the net), Mary Sunshine has always been consistent, kind.  I remember when there were mean and nasty people who couldn’t wait to say something nasty about Mary.  But the truth is, she has remained opened, understanding, and most of all FEMINIST!   I remember when I emailed someone who used to present herself as the number one feminist separatist in the world to tell her that my daughter had died and she didn’t even have the courtesy to respond to my email.  Yes, Ms. I care about women, couldn’t even bother to send an email with an, “I’m sorry.” FRAUD.

I’m afraid I hurt Mary.  Which was never my intention.  Mary has always been the exception when I’ve expressed disappointment at the feminist world. She has never been my target of wrath. NEVER.

To the transgender who read here:  I don’t understand why you read here.  To me, reading here is like an obese person willingly going to a doctor who they know from experience is going to berate them with, “You are fat and lazy and it’s all your own fault.” Who would go to such a doctor on purpose? How exactly is being told that by a doctor encourages that obese person to change his/her diet and/or exercise routine?  It does not.  If anything, it causes the obese person to gain more weight.  I think transgender people have a mental illness. They need mental help.  It’s biologically impossible to change your sex.  You can change how you present yourself to the world, but you will never change your biological sex.  NEVER.

I believe transgender people come here because they are gluttons for punishment. I’m not interested in hurting anyone and I don’t like knowing that masochists use my thoughts to get off.  I am interested in empowering females who have always gotten the short end of the stick. When I discuss transgender it’s because their agenda is in direct opposition to anything beneficial to females.

But not really anymore.  Right now, I can only try to get myself out of this fucking mess that I’m in.   I asked for help by “feminists,” and for the most part, I was ignored.  I couldn’t even get a god damn, “I’m sorry.”  I see now it was never about women helping women.  It was about some feel good self-righteousness that never intended to do anything for anyone.

Therefore, have at it, poach away.

I will never post here again.  I am through believing anyone out there cares about anyone but himself or herself.   It’s all unkind and uncaring bullshit.

Yes, I know.  It’s all my fault.


9 Comments leave one →
  1. August 1, 2017 3:54 pm

    Oh dear. yours was one of the first blogs I ever encountered that had an angry, funny, righteous feminist analysis. Mostly I’ve come over and read your posts from time to time. You have given me food for thought, encouragement, provocation and a kind of gritty, angry joy. I agree with a lot of what you talk about here, sometimes not, but I like that, too, that knotty disagreement with allies.

    I didn’t know your daughter died last year, Kitty. I can’t imagine the pain of losing her. My heart goes to you.

    Whatever it is, it’s not your fault. We live in a world that hates women, that hates Brown people, that hates poor people — we are steeped in that hatred, that mistrust, that desperation and fruitless yearning. That we ever find each other at all is a miracle. That I found your blog is a miracle. Thank you for that. Thank you for your courage and humour, your intelligence and your anger.

    • August 1, 2017 5:23 pm

      Thank for reading and commenting. It’s been a few years now since my daughter has died. I kept it to myself for the most part because I couldn’t deal with it. A young person doesn’t just die from heart attack like she did, no drugs, no suicide, etc. And, I’ve had to incorporate her children. Just when I catch my breath, the husband uproots us, moves us across the country and starts cheating. It’s just so much to bear. Right when I think I’ve handled it all, it gets worse. I’m clinging onto hope but it’s fading every day. And the sad part is, I’m so conscious of how pitiful I sound.

    • Mary Sunshine permalink
      August 1, 2017 6:01 pm

      Kitty, you say:

      “I’m so conscious of how pitiful I sound.”

      You don’t sound pitiful. You sound strong. You sound truthful. You sound very very hurt, but hurt is not pitiful.

      You will rally tomorrow and Thursday. Your strength is at work.

      I send {{{ circles of protection, love, and strength }}} around you and your children.

    • August 1, 2017 8:58 pm

      Thanks Mary. I need resolve right now. For a while I could see the future and it got me through. But then days like this hit me and I can’t see from hour to hour. It’s good having you in my life. Thank you.

  2. August 1, 2017 4:06 pm

    Kitty, call me. I tried calling you but two numbers aren’t working. I left a message on the third mobile number I have — CALL ME!!!

    • August 1, 2017 5:16 pm

      Deb, thanks for calling. When you called I was on the phone with my mother and was so disoriented that I didn’t realize the other line was calling. I can’t cry any more today. Today has been bad. I will talk to you tomorrow if you are free. I have court Thursday.

  3. August 1, 2017 8:12 pm

    You are gonna be just fine, Sister. I know you will…

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