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Open Thread 72

December 17, 2010

  1. December 17, 2010 8:43 pm

    I am super busy these next two days so I may not be around until Sunday night or Monday. I still want to answer the comments on the Christmas list, –each one makes me think of something.

    • December 18, 2010 4:18 am

      Being super busy is so good, but so bad. Hope you have a good weekend Kitty.

      I am just so tired. I haven’t gone to bed before 2am at all this week and it’s doing my head in. I have a shift until 3 or 4am tonight and I can not be bothered dealing with the overt and covert misogyny in my workplace. Again. That valium that was prescribed earlier in the week looks appealing right now.

  2. December 18, 2010 10:19 am

    It’s properly snowing here. Two foot of snow outside. Think I might be catching up on my dvd watching this weekend.

  3. la redactora permalink
    December 18, 2010 2:20 pm

    Congratulations soulsis :-).

  4. December 18, 2010 8:12 pm

    Go on soulsis!!! That’s excellent, congrats!!! Passed everything with flying colours, what a star!

    I’ve got some pics for you, will see if I can manage to email them without breaking the internet…

  5. December 20, 2010 12:34 am

    My god, I’m really glad to hear that she’s not pregnant. I hope she’s doing OK.

    • December 20, 2010 3:54 am

      It’s so very common. Girl-rape happens a lot more than is reported, obviously, but also a lot more than even most feminists think. I believe a cousin of mine was raped as a baby/toddler. She was eventually taken from her mother, and she lived with my family for a few years. She refused to speak until she was nearly 4 and just had so much rage, pure rage. (What’s interesting is that another little cousin of mine who sometimes came over to play with her told my mom that she *could* speak, she just didn’t want to talk to *us*, even though as far as we were aware, they never spoke while playing either. Sure enough, when she finally spoke, she spoke perfectly well, complete sentences, no speech impediment – as though she’d been talking for years.) Only my mother was allowed access to her medical records, and of course my mother has always been the hush-hush-don’t-want-to-say-anything-to-embarrass-the-family type, so the most she ever told my sister and me was that my cousin had had a hard time. You can’t make me believe, though, that a girl-baby in a drug/prostitution house was left alone by all of the pimps and johns she was exposed to.

      It really is terrible. I also knew a lesbian who bore a child by her stepfather at the age of 15, after having been continuously raped since she was 11. She was not a political lesbian, didn’t know anything about separatism or even feminism, but she was sure concerned about males, wouldn’t let them anywhere near her daughter, and refused to have male friends.

      Come to think of it, most of the black lesbians I’ve known have been wary of males. Another comes to mind who had an abortion after being gang-raped in middle school. I’ve only ever known non-black lesbians who either loved or had no opinion about males in general, although of course none of the wariness extended to their sons or their lovers’ sons whenever that was applicable, so, motherhood, as always, dampens women’s judgment.

      Ah, sorry for the tangents. I’m really sorry to hear about your friend.

    • December 21, 2010 3:39 am

      “It’s so very common. Girl-rape happens a lot more than is reported, obviously, but also a lot more than even most feminists think”

      This is so true, I was molested as a child and raped repeatedly through out my teenage years, and I know for a fact that I was not the only girl who in my pre-primary school who had the same shit done to them, by the same people all the time, the older male students and the male teachers who would ignore it and/or participate themselves.

      “Girl rapes are rarely discussed by feminist women… to often rape discussions are centered around het women who put themselves in danger by trusting men. I aem not saying this to blame rape on any woman, I know for a fact that men are animals and will do whatever they vwant whenever they want. The only thing we can do is not allow them near us or near the lil girls we know and love.”

      Totally agree! I only wish I’d gotten sent to an all female school sooner so at least the countless molestations and “experiments” would have stopped sooner. Or never even started. I was a totally different child as soon as I got taken out of a mixed male/female environment, but then the girl egged on by boy bullying started (there was a co-ed primary school close to the single sex one I went to) yet again.

      My heart really goes out to any womon or girl who has been raped, it breaks my heart every time I read it to know that because men are fucking shit-eaters who are too FUCKED in the head to fucking control themselves womyn and girls have to suffer. I am so sorry for your friends Margaret and soulsis, I really don’t know what else to say other than it breaks my heart and soul because it just does. Especially that no-one helped them either.

      “I dunno abt the rest of u, but I will never forget the times I was raped, even though I really want to. I also will never let go of the belief that my trust and expectation that a man was capable of humanity is a large part of why it happened. Being vulnerable and depressed in the presence of a male is a recipe for disaster.

      Agreed. Whole heartedly.

  6. December 20, 2010 12:42 am

    Sorry I’ve been absent lately. We’ve been SO busy this past week, preparing to visit the US for a few months. Last minute tickets, packing, cleaning out the fridge and cupboards, doing laundry, settling bills, arranging for payment of upcoming bills, making sure someone will be able to check on things while we’re gone, buying things we’ll need but won’t be able to buy there, and just generally running ourselves ragged. And to top it all off we’ve been sick. And I haven’t had a “number 2” in 3 days. Talk about misery.

    But, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now.

    • December 20, 2010 1:35 am

      Sis, you’re wrong for not telling me what the secret is while we were chatting just now. I didn’t see this comment of yours until after we’d already signed off.

    • Liberate-her permalink
      December 20, 2010 2:34 am

      Iron and calcium supplements can be constipating. Magnesium is a nice, relatively natural way to relax things there though!

    • December 20, 2010 9:19 am

      Ow :(… my advice is to drink lots and lots of water, and I second the magnesium supplement thing, although you might need to take a double dose.

    • December 21, 2010 3:41 am

      Second all the other advice here, AND

      Drink as much water as you can in a short period (like an hour or two), and try eating whole grain pasta/bread if it’s possible for a few days. Water will help flush your system out.

  7. December 20, 2010 2:57 am

    Congratulations soulsis! Studying can be such hard work sometimes, that’s so awesome you did so well 🙂

  8. gallusmag permalink
    December 20, 2010 3:46 pm

    Mix equal parts apple sauce, wheat germ and prune juice in a tupperwear container. Eat two tablespoons a day. Keep in fridge.

  9. December 21, 2010 12:14 am

    It’s snowed more here too! And I watched dvds with my little sister and messed around like we were kids. Lol! 🙂

  10. December 21, 2010 2:07 am

    Thanks for all the advice, everyone! I ended up taking castor oil. I happened to have some on hand because I occasionally use it for eczema. I haven’t taken it orally since I was a kid. Yech.

  11. December 21, 2010 3:30 am

    I am so, so sorry to hear that soulsis. It’s good that she is not pregnant though.

  12. December 21, 2010 3:45 am

    I tore a ligament in my ankle from crossing a fucking road. My doctor got all offended cos I told him I’d rather see a female physician and physio (sp? who I usually see, but she is on holiday atm) because male doctors, like male anything, piss me off and don’t do a good job because they spend half of their time mansplaining.

    And I’m trying to find some good resources on helping friends STAY AWAY from male, abusive arsehole partners (friend I mentioned a few threads ago can’t stay away and keeps blaming herself, he beat on her while she was driving on a freeway the other night and left her on the side of the road, jafkle jaflkejal >.<)

    • Mary Sunshine permalink
      December 21, 2010 7:52 pm


      I have had similar sad experiences. And, like you, I would do it again. But – with the benefit of hindsight (hah!) – I would be a bit more sparing of my own energies.

    • December 22, 2010 3:20 am

      Thank you for your advice soulsis & Mary. The thing that really concerns me as well is she is a drug-abuser too, she can’t make it through a day without having SOMETHING at a bear minimum like a bajillion bongs.

      ” Now a woman I have known and loved for 10+ years refuses to talk to me and has returned to her abuser. I have no way to know if she is alive still or how her unborn (was pregnant when she left him barely escaped with her and her daughter’s life) lil girl is doing. I don’t doubt that the girl is long gone and suspect her “father” killed her in the womb. ”

      This is again something I’m concerned about, without going into too much detail, I am really fucking scared that this guy will try to kill her and given her fragile mind state already with the drug problem + this abusive stuff + her being essentially homeless at the moment = recipe for disaster, you know?

      IDK, when I was going through this shit I wish I’d had a peer or friend to be there for me and every one I knew turned their back on me and called me a lying whore etc etc which seems to be what the rest of her friends are doing (cos this guy is oh so good at turning the sociopath charm on) and I do have the privilege of knowing a lot of people who can help her on a professional level if that makes sense? I’m very stressed at the moment with all this and the torn ligament + not being able to work.

      On the plus side though, she still has her dog, that she still manages to take care of and keep her company, and she still has me and one of our mutual friends.

      Also got my ankle looked at yesterday and they put some racing stripes on me (sporting tape) on a slightly more positive note.

      Thank you both so much for the advice, I really, really appreciate it ❤

    • December 22, 2010 10:15 am

      Aileen, as soulsis said, it’s a waste of time til she’s ready, and she won’t be ready til she believes it’s safe for her to leave. If it helps you to understand it, women usually stay to keep themselves and their kids alive, because when we leave them is often when they kill us. Strange as it sounds, she really is the best judge of what she can do here and how safe it is for her to try and leave. Again it might sound strange, but she might also be protecting the dog. These assholes won’t hesitate to harm our pets in order to keep us under control. Some women reject their friends in order to keep those friends safe.

      On a more personal note, I’ve been through this with a few friends now and in total, over the last ten years, three of my close friends have successfully left violent and abusive assholes. I wish your friend all the strength and cunning that she will need.

    • December 23, 2010 4:57 am

      Everything that you’ve put forward makes complete and utter sense.
      Re bong: I know that’s not the problem, fuck, I blaze every day and I’m fine and dandy, what does concern me though is the amount of debt she’s getting into for it (I’m talking oz’s at a time here) blah blah blah.

      Do you mind if I e-mail either of you about this? I’m a bit reluctant to say too much more, just in case, well, you know.

    • Linda Radfem permalink
      December 23, 2010 8:07 pm

      If you mean me, Aileen, then that’s fine. I may not respond immediately though. I’m working some extreme hours right now. My next day off is January 6. But I’m happy to provide info.

  13. December 21, 2010 7:29 pm

    I know! That’s so funny and sweet!

  14. December 27, 2010 6:01 pm

    O-M-G, I hate waking up to a house so hot that I am actually waking up to a heat induced headache. Who needs the heat to be so high? It might be a little crispy but it is NOT. THAT. COLD!

  15. December 28, 2010 8:47 am

    Actually, no, Teena Brandon didn’t identify as male or trans. She, like many lesbians who have been raped associate femaleness with vulnerability and defenselessness. She may have wished she wasn’t female because of that – but we all have to remember that wishing one hadn’t been born female has only very recently been considered a symptom of “trans-ness.” In the past (and now, only in radical/lesbian feminist circles) it was recognized as a reaction to the injustice of misogyny.

    The trannies have appropriated Teena Brandon’s story as their own, when really it’s a lesbian tragedy. I posted a speech given at the UN by a tranny maybe last year – and not only have they appropriated Teena Brandon; they’re even going so far as to say that Joan of Arc was also a tranny. They will soon have entirely written females, lesbians in particular, out of history.

  16. December 29, 2010 10:47 pm

    Teeth cleaning appointment in 55 minutes. UGH!

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